Face It

Scary season is completely upon us.  Outlandish ghouls and goblins humouring our inner fraidy cat, making a mockery of things that truly aim to terrorize.  Things like our phobias and limitations.

Many of our fears are outward and these are the easiest to face because they’re usually coupled with want.  I want this, so I will push through that.  I wanted to fly on a trapeze last year so I ignored my fear of heights.  My desire to surf allowed me to miraculously forget the scariness of the wide open ocean and my weakness as a swimmer. I wanted these things so bad I crushed how petrified I was and just focused on the doing.  The trapeze was of course amazing, but the surfing?  A whole next level of amazing.  It was by far one of the most rewarding and exhilarating experiences of my life and every time I notice the scars I endured I smile to myself and think “Jesus, you did it.  What an awesome nutjob you are.”  This is as much positive self – talk as I can take.  My latest conquer, if you will, is singing.  Not so much the act itself, but actually sucking at the singing in front of people.  You see, I’m taking Musical Improv now and we have to sing and rhyme and I am utterly petrified.  I suck.  Completely.  But that, apparently, doesn’t matter in musical improv.  If you’re a great singer in this context it’s actually rather boring.  People come to see commitment and finding glory in the suck. I can totally do that.  And I’m going to do it.  I am doing it!  I want to do this.  I want to get good and scare the shit out of myself and come out the other side exhilarated and thrilled and, yes, somewhat proud of myself.

Inner fears are harder.  They’re by logic deeper, riddled with memories of pain, hurt and self-doubt.  But can we try, maybe, to use our outer fear tricks to conquer these inner fear ghouls?  As a quintessential ‘yes’ person, you know I think we can.

In order to do this, we need to give fear another friend.  We need to give our fear trust.  I was scared out of my mind on that trapeze (http://curiousyetdelicious.blogspot.com/2011/08/just-trust-and-jump.html) but I trusted the power of the harness and the instructor and I just jumped.  Drowning, hitting my head on a big ass rock and, yes, actually dying crossed my mind a number of times during my surf escapade, but I trusted my cool as a cucumber instructor enough to believe that he wasn’t going to let me die.  And now, I trust my improv mates (who are far, far more talented than I) to make do with my lame rhyming blues couplets and come up with some magic for all of us.  But most of all, I trusted myself.  I trusted that regardless of how uncoordinated and scared and untalented I was, it was all going to be okay.  I was going to be okay.  The people around me were going to make sure that everything was going to be all right, and, guess what?  It was.  It is.  I am.

I faced it all and never regretted it for a second.  Things are never as scary as we think they are, not when want and trust are on the case.

Don’t live an almost.  Live an is.  Face it.  You know you can.

Next Level

I love plans, love making plans. I’m like Hannibal in the A-Team:  I love it when a plan comes together.  It’s a compulsion.  I like to know what I’m doing when, where and with who.  I realise this isn’t all together normal and for the laid back sorts in my life I’m sure it gets really annoying but it’s just a way for me to keep on top of things and make sure I’m seeing / doing everything I want to do because you know me – I like to see and do everything.

I’m typically the one getting things organised with my crew and I don’t mind this at all but I really, really REALLY love it when someone else picks up the ball and makes some plans.  Any plans.  I love to follow (I know no one believes me but I do, I can and I have!)!  I get that people rarely get the chance (on top of things!), but if you hit me early, I’m in and excited and really quite thrilled to be a merry passenger on our sure to be fun adventure. 

So don’t screw things up by making half – ass plans and asking me a gazillion questions about these plans.  Things that should be taken care of by you, the planner, such as:  Where are we going? Does the restaurant take reservations?  Where should I park?  Should I ask so-and-so? I mean, really? That’s from Making Plans 101 – offer a suggestion, solicit opinions, settle a date and provide your fellow social buddies the details. I don’t want to get involved!  Don’t ask me, you’re not a Mennonite, ask The Internet!  YOU’RE MAKING THE PLANS, remember?

I know I shouldn’t get aggravated and annoyed and frustrated.  I should just let things roll and offer information and send links and, well, be generally helpful.  But I don’t want to because I really thought I had the night off.   

I bet you’re really scared to ask me to do anything now, right? 

The Tale of Two Trailers

To love movies is to love trailers. Everyone likes a little foreplay, right?

Trailers should be a perfect little tease for the future main event, it’s that simple. They should hook me, intrigue me and excite me to the point where I just CANNOT WAIT until opening day.

Sometimes a trailer is so amazing it makes me interested in something that wasn’t necessarily my thing. Like Cloud Atlas. Impenetrable book + Impressive Trailer = TIFF Highlight.

In rare instances, trailers kill my mood. Most recently, I’m thinking Lincoln and The Gangster Squad.

Trailers are tricky business. Say too much and kill the anticipation, say too little and cause confusion. Edits, sweeping scores and choosing what to focus on are crucial to heighten interest. It’s not easy, and quite frankly I lost all faith in The Holiday when they asked me to believe that Cameron Diaz’s dumdum character actually did this for her job. Making trailers is not a job for dumdums. (yes, that’s the only problem I had with The Holiday.)

Just this week I had high/low points with trailers – one lured me in and I almost dismissed the other.

There was no doubt I was seeing Keep the Lights On after watching the trailer. Wow. Suped up emotion, passion, troubles, addicition, tears, love. I’m SO into this.

Look! Aren’t you?!

We all agreed! We all made plans! We all hated it! It was a snoreborefest. Damn you trailer!

There was no doubt I was not seeing Argo after watching the trailer. It looked hokey, somewhat campy and glib.

Do you agree?

Well, Argo wasn’t any of those things. It was well paced and suspenseful (pretty hard when you already know the ending) and well acted and just very, very good. I’m glad I didn’t trust my trailer gut on this one.

It’s all we’ve got, really: two short little minutes that should leave us wanting a hundred more. Not many things can live up to that, can they? Or can’t they?


I say they can.

Disappoint

Pretty much the worst word in the English language.  Full of weight and pressure and expectation and, most important, a lack of self-determination.  Fear of disappointing and the pressure to not disappoint makes us do things we may not want to do.  We do things not out of want, but out of pressure to be somewhat perfect. To be constantly liked.  The more people mean to us, the worse this is.  We cannot let them down.  We cannot let them see we cannot do it.  We cannot let them see that right now, in this micro-instant,  something is more important than them.  We need to be everything.  We need to be everywhere.  We need to be there.

So you strive to make the best of everything.  Never is anything a hard no:  you leave early, arrive late and miraculously are two places at once.  You bend, you spread, you exhaust. 

For what?  For who? For why? 

How about you?

Are you well intentioned?  Are you good?   Are you reasonable and understanding and not a grade-A selfish moron?  Then why the fear?  Why not faith? Faith that others will see the inherent you and not be consumed by a blip in the radar. That they, perhaps, will bend just a little for you.  You can’t do that, well, that’s okay what about this. 

This is hard, so, so hard.  Disappointment starts with expectation (the 2^nd worst word in the English language), and when you expect the best of yourself, and do all the things you tell others not to do, you put pressure on everyone else to follow suit.  It’s hypocritical and unfair.   I’m not entirely sure how to stop this.  How to stop the cycle of want turning to not.  To stop putting pressure on myself and those around me.  To maybe care a little less (just a little) about outward perception and just do the best I can. 

Isn’t that what everyone is trying to do?  Just be the best they can? How can you be disappointed with that?

TIFF 2012 - Condensed Mayhem - Volume 13, Finally!

Well, hello there!

How have you been?  Wonderful! Me?  Why, thank you for asking! I've been great too!  Just not here great.  I'm having technological challenges, which isn't really an excuse of course.  I mean, my whole life is a technological challenge but sites have been updated and browsers have not which leaves me in the precarious position of blogging without italics, underlines and I think (although have not tried) inserts of any sort.  Talk about boring.  I hope you stress my words where I mean to and can only imagine the wondrous videos and images I wanted to share!

Enough of that (see!  I wanted that in italics!).  On to this (arg!  I wanted that in italics too!):

I know, it's been almost three weeks since TIFF Glorious TIFF wrapped up but you know what they say about memories: they last forever until you forget them.  Here's my highlight reel for Condensed Mayhem 2012.

* Rust & Bone was a most dramatic, emotional and heartwrenching film starring my love, Marion Cotillard.  In one harrowing scene, Marion is confronted with her personal tragedy in a most dramatic way.  She screams and pleas "Mes Jambes! Mes Jambes!", shocked at what she sees.  We feel this.  We feel this hard.  Everyone loves to act out high drama scenes in movies, especially when drunk.  So, here goes Jason.  "Mes Jambons! Mes Jambons!".  Ah, language, so tricky.

* Bomboniere at weddings are so over.  Who needs another 'fill in the blank useless thing you will never use and only dust' right?  Well, leave it to my awesome friends from English Vinglish who handed out bombonierre of their own after a most celebratory Indian Wedding.  Ladoos!  Yummy! 

* I love Thanksgiving.  The traditional Thanksgiving meal is one of my favourites.  I'm unsure how I will react to our bird this year after seeing a human haired turkey belly in Yellow.  We shall see.  We shall see.  (My strategy is more stuffing.)

* Sing a longs are fun, no?  Yes!  Singing Sit On My Face - a most crude and awesome song if ever there was one - with a crowd full of Monty Python fans was magic.  "Life can be fine if we all 69!"  I mean, come on.

* Christopher Walken.  I watched a movie with Christopher Walken!

* My favourite TIFF movie won the People's Choice.  That's right, Silver Linings Playbook.  Yes, I DO know how to pick 'em.

* Been embarrassed by your cell phone going off at a movie?  Oops, right?  Well, what if the phone isn't yours?  And you try to turn it off but you can't?  And it doesn't belong to anyone.  And it keeps ringing.  And ringing.  AH!  What do you do?  Well, obviously, you pass it to the guy on the aisle and get him to deal with it.  Congratulations Olga & Scott, winners of Cell Phone Hot Potato!

* Imogene is not your lover.  But if you see this movie, you'll want her to be.

* "Why are you lining up so early?".  My Mom.  She'll learn.  What a trip.  The woman's a trooper, and lucky:  Silver Linings Playbook AND The Impossible?  Yes, I DO know how to pick 'em.

* Crab cakes, eaten heels, good samaritans and glorious sunshine - Violet's birthday is always a memorable occasion!

* Make Up Peek A Boo during Cloud Atlas.  What?!  That was him?!

* New friends Scott & Andrea, the bun lady and never seeing movie where Nicole Kidman pees on anyone because we chose not to.  "Remember the part in ... ".  Man, we are rude.

* Bradley Cooper.  Ewan McGregor. 

All in all, another great year.  Of course!  From an insane spreadsheet (thank you, Julie!) to our Thursday Night Jam Session to our three phase execution strategy (thank you, Cres!) I feel we have a future in TIFF consulting.  Or a free pass to the loony bin.  I'm all in either way, because there is no other way.