New

Well, here we are counting down the last hours of 2012 and thoughts undoubtedly turn to reflection of what has past, and dreams of what's to come.

I'm not really one for reflection.  No, really, I'm not.  I don't learn from my mistakes, and this isn't to mean that I make the same ones again and again all the time but I am my way and when you're your way and you know you're your way you're going to act your way regardless of what comes your way.  I am good with this.  Very, very good. 

In light of this, I wonder what I've learned this year?  Well, not much really.  What have I reaffirmed this year?  Plenty.  Oh yes, plenty.  I've reaffirmed that I can be a class A pushover, but only because I am strong and confident in myself.  I've reaffirmed that crying at movies doesn't mean you are sensitive, kind or thoughtful.  I've reaffirmed that my hair will never let me down.  I've reaffirmed that I am happiest when I push myself to places that I didn't think I wanted to go.  I've reaffirmed that while words are powerful, they mean less than zero if they are not backed by deed. I've reaffirmed that every ounce of willpower I know I possess somehow escapes me when I am looking at a piece of cake.  I've reaffirmed that I am not a give - up type of person.  I've reaffirmed that I can be just as foolish with my heart as I am with my money.  I've reaffirmed that the knee length boot is my Holy Grail of footwear - damn you calves!  I've reaffirmed that when you've gone through a tremendous and painful loss, it is ever harder to let go.  I've reaffirmed that the best people in your life are not the "I told you so's" but the "we get it's".  I've reaffirmed that I overanalyse like a MOFO.  I've reaffirmed Ben Wyatt & Leslie Knope forever! I've reaffirmed that life's greatest lessons come where you least expect them, thank you, Improv.

Most of all, I've reaffirmed that despite a year, well, actually, a life, of ups and downs and all arounds I have nothing to really and truly complain or gripe about.  I'm good.  More than good.  I am lucky. 

Was 2012 a bad year?  A  good year?  I'd say it was just like any other year - full of those ups and downs and all arounds.  It brought challenges and tears and heartaches and laughter and dancing and travels and friends and family and goodbyes and hellos just like every other year does.  It's how you look at all those things that make a year good, bad or special.

I want more of the same for 2013 - the good and bad, but mostly the good, of course.  I want to run myself a little less ragged and learn to make perfect pastry.  (I think I will accomplish one of these things).  I want to see lots of movies.  I want to enjoy my year of S travel in San Sebastian & South Africa and I want to continue my Holy Grail pursuit of those blasted boots.  I want to share in people's joy and be there in their sorrow and know that these people will also be there for me.  I want to be a better writer and a better improvisor.  I want to continue challenging myself.  I want to try and stop pushing my narrative so hard.  I want to stay healthy.  So, basically, I want more of the same.  Who needs new when what you have is pretty damn amazing?  Exactly.  And for you, I want all the things you want for yourself because you deserve them. 

Happy New Year, xxoo.

Cheater

I haven't done this before, I'm feeling a bit self-conscious.  Like, have I got nothing left?  Am I all used up?  Have I become prose-silent?

Nah, it's just that sometimes other people can say things better than you can.  They somehow seem to get you, so much so it's like you're reading YOU.  So, here we go kids, I'm re-blogging:

"I miss the Daytimer.

The Daytimer was one of the many casualties of the internet/smartphone era. I’ve never kept a journal or a diary but I was a devout Daytimer user. Recently during a visit to my parents’ storage locker, I found my 1998 Daytimer. The entire year came back to me through appointment entries, notes to self, receipts, photo booth pictures, to-do lists, and phone numbers; I remembered everything: what I wore, what movies I saw, who I saw them with, why my boyfriend sucked, specific days at work, where I sat, what was said at team meetings… all of it. And just from quick entries, a few words here and there with no proper sentences. But they were enough to trigger the memories.

Right now, if you were to ask me what I did last month, I couldn’t tell you. And I carry two smartphones, each, obviously, with a calendar function.

You know why?

Technology moves us forward, only. We don’t flip BACK through electronic calendars. And we certainly don’t populate them with our personalities the way we did in our Daytimers. I used to flip through my Daytimer on the subway, both to get organised but also as a sort of self-indulgence sometimes to relive a fond memory. An electronic calendar simply tells you where you have to be and when. It doesn’t encourage you to preserve how you were then, or why you were going, and what you hoped for at the time.

My Daytimer used to be a source of pride. It was black leather, and heavy; it felt substantial, and when I carried it around or set it down, the act of dragging the zipper along the edge to open up the contents felt important, like nothing that went in or came out was insignificant, a permanent record, a clue for my future self. I haven’t kept a Daytimer in over 10 years. Have I lost 10 years of clues?  

This, then, is my New Year’s Resolution: I’m going back to keeping a Daytimer. I may not have to write down phone numbers anymore but I can certainly remind myself how comfortable the cushions are in the corner booth at the restaurant where I just had lunch, and keep the cocktail napkin because I like the font they used in the logo, and looking at that later, I might remember how we laughed about how annoyed the server was when we kept asking to refill our snack tray so that we could save money on an appetiser and only order an entree.

I’m so excited about this, I’m already making plans for me and my Daytimer like it’s a relationship. Together, my Daytimer and I are going to help me manage my schedule and get into shape. We’ll be documenting everything I eat, and my workout schedule. We’ll also be making work lists and travel itineraries. We will never forget a birthday or a song that needs to be downloaded. We will keep track of the cost per wear of all my shoes. We will look back at show tickets and score cards and celebrate a year full of culture and golf. We are going to be there for each other all the time. We will be so organised. We can’t wait to tell you all about it in 12 months. We have already made a note of this.

Happy New Year!"*

Long live paper! 

Thank you, Lainey.  Thank you for validating my black book.  My black book that rules my social life and in general life.  Where birthdays are written in RED and plans are set in pencil (I'm not non-commital, just busy!).  My black book that I buy new re-fills for and keep all-filled ones forever and ever. 

It's nice to know we are not alone.

*http://vitaminwatercanada.tumblr.com/

Thank you, Lainey.