Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 12 - Wrap Party

So here we are.  It’s over.  10 days of movies, movies and more movies.  It was, as they say, a blast.  It’s impossible not to find common threads when you see 25 (only) movies over 10 days.  Of course there was much to say about the human spirit.  Plenty going on with finding your place in the world.  But there was also lots of sex and lots of death.  Not normal sex and not normal death.

We had Sewer Sex, Stripper Sex, Lesbian Sex, Self Sex, Cathar Sex, Chicken Sex, Machine Sex, Backseat Sex, Make-a-baby Sex.  All that and we didn’t even see Shame.

We learned about lots of different ways to kill people, like by drowning, or with the heel of a boot, shower rod, can of pumpkins, fire extinguisher, hammer (twice), bow and arrow and a plain old boring gun.  As an extra bonus, things to do with that dead body:  rat foot, a shower platform and dance floor.  

I’m not sure which would be more helpful to spice up your particular life, but there you go.  The movies are such an educational medium.

You don’t see 25 (only) movies in 10 days and not love movies.  Thankfully, after 10 days and 25 (only) movies I can still say I love the movies.  But not just the movies themselves – I love the actual going to the movies, the dark theatre, the smell of popcorn, the trailers (my favourite part!) and I love talking about the movies.  We watch movies alone, yes, but movie – going is a very social thing.  I realized this definitively during TIFF – whether waiting in line or waiting for the movie to start, everyone is talking.  Talking about movies.  What was good, what was bad, what to see, what to skip.  It’s full on and you have to love it.  I love it.  The Posse loves it.  Most of my friends do too.  I also learned that above all else it’s the written word – the story – that’s going to get me in the end.  It all starts there, with an idea that comes to life and is brought to life by some pretty talented people.  Sometimes these ideas come to life like magic and sometimes, well, they don’t.  But that’s okay.  You can’t win them all.  We won most of the time this year, though – only one dud and 2 average films in the 25 (only).  I say that’s pretty damn excellent, and merely a tip of the iceberg because there was so much more amazing stuff we didn’t get a chance to see!  The bar’s been set pretty high. 

This TIFF To Remember was pretty special.  The films, of course, but the escapades and the laughs and the covert meals and the tears and the precision timing and the fun, fun, fun.  You know I’d do it all again.  WILL do it all again and I know the Posse will be there again.  We were made for this stuff.  We live for this stuff.

So, tell me, what are we seeing this weekend?

Monday, September 19, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 11- Magic & Wonder

We're tired.  Beyond exhausted.  It's hard to form sentences.  I bump into things.  I have bruises from bumping into these things and bruises from something else I did that was really quite dumb that I'm not going to tell you about.  I blame my exhaustion.  Can we make it?  Can we see this through?  Hell YES.  Kudos to Julie, our personal TIFF programmer, for selecting the most perfect film to cap off the most amazing 10 days.  A film with a simple story that you really don't need to pay attention to, you just need to sit back watch and listen to the magic and the wonder ...

The Flying Machine
Directed by Martin Clapp & Dorota Kobiela
Starring Heather Graham, Lang Lang

I was in for this one from the beginning.  I love kid's flicks.  I'm thankful that many of my friends have kids and now I have a niece & nephews so I can take these kids to kids movies and I don't feel like a weirdo sitting as an adult alone in kids movies.  But, then again, with pals like Jess and Cres I don't think I would ever be sitting alone in a kids movie as they love them too.  Phew.  So, Flying Machine is one of these crazy techie marvels:  3D; Animation;Live Action; Claymation.  All at the same time.  Wowsers.  The whole thing is set to the music of Chopin and admittedly I'm not all that for classical music.  Most of it, to me, sounds like violins at war.  It stresses me out completely.  I know, I am so low brow.  But you know what?  Chopin, at the hands of Lang Lang, on that piano was beautiful.  So beautiful.  I am converted.  Or at least Chopin converted.  There were many moments during the movie when I simply wanted to close my eyes and listen, but how could I do that with all the amazing stuff happening before my eyes?  There were balloons and flowers and a world tour so magical I, too, wanted to be on that flying machine.  Is that not the best kind of feeling in a movie - when you want to be IN the movie?  The director told us at the Q and A afterwards that a wondrous shot (not telling) took them 10 months to put together.  This shot lasted 2 minutes.  Can you imagine that?  The painstaking determination and patience required to do that?  Thanks, man.  It was worth it.  Lest you think I've gone all soft, I will say that The Flying Machine absolutely and completely proved that Heather Graham is one crummy actress.  So there's that.

Today, we're all set for.  Oh.  Hang on.  Nothing.  We're set for nothing.  It's just going to be a plain old Monday.  NO!  NO!  Take me back there.  Take me back to the movies!  Maybe this will help ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6ai39pJXMY

Look out, my official TIFF To Remember Wrap Party is, as they say ..... Coming Soon.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 10 - Bang

Nine days of heaven.  Can this become my life?  How can I make this my life?  Today continued the streak of fine, fine film making (because technically, the last one wasn't actually seen today :) ).  Gotta go out with a bang, right?

The Skin I Live In
Written & Directed by Pedro Almodovar
Starring Antonio Banderas, Elena Anaya

In the hands of pretty much anyone else, this movie would have quickly turned into a schlocky soap-opera-y eye rolling melodrama.  Pedro, however, makes a movie which is completely disturbing yet incredibly beautiful.  A man - Banderas, who I really don't like, but here, without his borderline swarthy Spanish accent , is absolutely perfect - seeks revenge and turns the thing responsible for his suffering into his ultimate reward.  The story unfolds very slowly. Twists, therefore, are not gasp worthy.  We simply watch them, accept them and wait for more.  There's no wild "dun-dun-dun" soundtrack to prompt us into a suspenseful turn.  Pedro knows we're smarter than that.  Prove him right and see this film.

Burning Man
Written & Directed by Jonathan Teplitzky
Starring Matthew Goode

What initially drew me to this film was good Matthew Goode.  I don't know why this guy isn't a bigger name, why he's not in more movies.  He's solid in everything I've seen him in (Match Point, A Single Man, Brideshead Revisited) and pretty charming in those movies attractive actors have to make to pay the rent (Chasing Liberty, Leap Year).  After seeing Burning Man, I know why he's not a bigger name, a bigger star:  Matthew Goode is great and it looks like he's not even trying.  Amazing.  Our story begins with Matthew as Tom and Tom's a prick.  He's angry and callous and reckless.  We don't really know why Tom is all these things but as his story plays out in non-chronological order, we're given snippets of what made Tom such a prick and then we understand why Tom is such a prick.  Tom's a prick for the only reason you're really allowed to be one:  for that very specific time in your life when you need to re-think and re-balance your whole life and world view because the thing / person so crucial to defining this, and to defining you, is no longer there.  I hated this movie because it was so real.  I loved this movie because it was so real.  This movie took me to places I've spent almost 4 years trying to run away from.  Cres read somewhere that this film was the most depressing film in the festival.  Yeah, I get that, but you don't stay there forever.  Tom can't be a prick for the rest of his life.  He starts to figure it out and we know he will, just like we all do, like we all try to.  And with one of my favourite songs rolling the credits as his battle cry, we know he does.  What's the song?  Go see the movie. 

From The Sky Down
Directed by Davis Guggenheim
Starring U2

This is a hard one.  I've had a week to think about this,  with a killer Pearl Jam doc in between, and I gotta tell you this one was ... okay.  You know I say this with love.  I can be objective.  I am and always and forever more will be a huge fan.  I wanted to LOVE this movie.  I wanted it to  take me inside everything I heard was happening in those fractious times when the band was recording Achtung Baby.  I wanted to hear from everyone.  I wanted juicy tidbits.  I didn't get much of that and ultimately wanted more.  But isn't that what we do with those we love?  We expect nothing but the best from them - we expect the most?  I think U2 let us down here.  It felt like the film was put together quickly and I hate it when "the band" is supposed to be engaged in a project and only Bono & Edge show up.  I know Larry & Adam hate this sort of thing, but guys, come on - it's your freaking documentary.  Anyway, there are 20 minutes of this movie which will give you goosebumps.  I'm going to say that 20 minutes makes this movie worth seeing, it totally does.  Just don't be surprised if it leaves you wanting more.


Kill List
Directed by Ben Wheatley
Starring Neil Maskell, MyAnna Buning

I'm not a huge horror movie fan.  Real life often scares me, why do I need movies to do that too?  I went into TIFF guns a'blazing this year and as a big part of TIFF is Midnight Madness, I had to - wanted to - experience it too.  Maybe I didn't pick the right movie.  I had no idea what was going on here.  There was killing (big deal), a cult (whatever) and some dead animals (yeah, okay)and alot of yelling (people, please turn it down).  I was more grossed out with the violence in Drive. I wanted to be disturbed!  I wanted to be scared!  I got none of that and I'm pissed off!  I am formally applying for my Midnight Madness rain check - how can I cash this in?

Well, today is it.  The last day.  Our swan song.  I will leave the house defiantly singing "One Day More" from Les Miserables.  Fittingly, it's family day - Julie's bringing her girls down (as they haven't seen much of mom) and I've got a friend bringing her two girls down as well.  Everyone loves the movies.  Take me to The Flying Machine !

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 9 - Flawed

We had a big group joining us for our last night at the Elgin - pals of Julie's, The Posse and Scott who arrived completely right on time, sparing me from my 21st viewing of the pre-movie preamble which was fun up until maybe time 15.  That Grace Kelly advert is getting so annoying I may boycott the exhibit. 

Tyrannosaur
Written & Directed by Paddy Considine
Starring Peter Mullan, Olivia Colman, Eddie Marsan

Tyrannosaur tells the story of an angry man who finds redemption in an unlikely source.  This source, too, finds comfort in him.  The film was shot in quiet realism (so quiet at times I had a hard time hearing what actors were saying).  It was superbly acted and brutally honest.  Somehow, though, it didn't completely engage me.  I was shocked and angry and sad and almost hopeful, but I wasn't enough of all those things to take me to the next level of feeling with this one.  I don't know why.  Violet and Julie sure went to that next level of feeling.  The rest of us?  Not so much.  My own disconnection didn't make this less of a good movie to me, it just didn't make it a great movie to me.

Gearing up for a big day tomorrow, starting off with The Skin I Live In, followed by Burning Man and then my first Midnight Madness EVER, Kill List.  Yes, I know, I was to see U2s From The Sky Down again with Effie as well but this company she works for (they fly planes) is screwing with us.  I'm not happy AT ALL.  I promised you a blurb, though, and you'll get it tomorrow.  I won't let you down, like that dumb company let us down.  Dumb company.

Friday, September 16, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 8 - Better & Better

It's cold.  Super chilly.  Let's tuck ourselves into the Elgin and watch some magic, shall we?  Thanks for loaning me your sweater Violet.  :)

Violet & DaisyWritten & Directed by Geoffrey Fletcher
Starring Alexis Bledel, Saorise Ronan, James Gandolfini

Now THIS is how you do your first feature - are you listening guy from Countdown?  Fine, Fletcher isn't a newbie.  He adapted Precious a number of years ago, won an Oscar for the screenplay as a matter of fact, but that was adapted.  Can this guy write his own story?  Can he direct it?  Yes and hell yes.  This was a perfectly unique mixed genre fable, centering around two completely immature, yet old beyond their years, teenage assassins who sign on for a simple job which soon becomes not so simple.  The casting, in truth, was surprising to me - I had no doubt about Saorise (she was Hanna, for crying out loud!) but Alexis?  I wasn't so sure.  James?  He bugs me.  For awhile, I expected him to off Violet and Daisy (see, I can speak mob too).  But he soon turned me around and it all worked.  Alexis and James and Saorise all worked because this crazy story worked.  It was quirky and whimsical and touching and sympathetic - how often can you say that about a brutally violent assassin movie?  There's a dance number in this one too.  Doubtful it'll become an international craze like the sambola, but who knows.  Go see it and let me know.

Are movies in general getting better?  Are the TIFF programmers the best ever?  Out of the 20 films I've seen thus far, I've only not liked one and been marginal on two.  The rest?  Pretty amazing.  Lucky me.

So, sadly, tonight is our last and final night at the beautiful and historic Elgin Theatre, and our last movie with Violet.  Fittingly, we're all going to bawl our eyes out.  Onwards, to Tyrannosaur

Look what I figured out how to do (and just in time!).  It's Violet, me, Cres & Julie outside the beautiful and historic Elgin Theatre.  Love you ladies - it's only A TIFF to Remember because of you.  xo.


Thanks for the amazing instagram edit, Sarah!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 7 - Blind

Okay … we are past the halfway point of A TIFF To Remember.  I haven’t eaten a vegetable in 5 days.  I come home at night, get undressed and popcorn flies out of my clothes.  I hate Dasani water. I’m breaking out.  I think my skin is grey, but I can’t really tell because my eyes are itchy/blurry. I'm pretty sure my teeth are yellow from all the coffee.  Dishes are in my sink.  I can't really see my dining table for my unopened mail, ticket vouchers and crap.  Shoes are piled up in my foyer.  My hips hurt.  My back hurts. 

I am having the best fucking time.

Butter
Directed by Jim Field Smith
Starring Jennifer Garner, Ty Burrell, Olivia Wilde, Ashley Greene, Rob Corduroy

Who knew the world of butter carving could be so competitive?  Who knew Butter would be so fun?  Jennifer Garner was pretty great even though I sort of got the feeling she was playing herself.  When I don’t picture her in secret agent kick-ass Sydney Bristow mode, I see her this way:  tightly wound and completely OCD.  I can totally see her bossing Ben around like she bossed around whatever her husband’s name was in the movie (Phil from Modern Family playing another cuckolded husband – dude, seriously, branch out).  Anyway, the movie was fun and funny and a bit crass.  Underlying the fun and funny and crass was a pretty great message, but you don't need to look for that all time.  Sometimes it's just nice to go to the movies and laugh at the absurd.  That's what I did with Butter.  Also, any movie with outtakes gets a thumbs up from me.

Jeff, Who Lives At Home
Written & Directed by Mark Duplass and Jay Duplass
Starring Jason Segal, Ed Helms, Judy Greer, Susan Sarandon

Admittedly, I am not cool.  No, Julie, I don't know one song that Mumford & Sons sing. No, Jason, I have no idea who the Duplass Bros are.  Well, apparently Mumford & Sons are a pretty great band and the Duplass Bros (Mark & Jay) are creative geniuses.  Julie and Jason have TIFF bonded - this makes me happy, but also worried because now that they've found each other, why do they need me?  Anyway, those Duplass Bros really are creative geniuses.  I went into this movie blind and came out the other side having laughed, cried and feeling all warm and fuzzy.  At the risk of you thinking I’m lazy, I’m going to do the same to you:  I’m not saying a thing. You're going to go see it just like I did – blind – and you’re going to love it, just like I did.  Now, I should really youtube Mumford & Sons, right?

Tonight, it's Violet & Daisy.  Teenage Assassins?  I'm in ....

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 6 - It's the Script, Moron

Ah, glorious life ... today started off with a taping of The Hour.  Guests were Mary Harron, director of American Psycho, Monster and most recently The Moth Diaries.  She's pretty cool, directs some pretty out there stories and looks like your run of the mill suburban mom.  George kills me.  He's super cool, of course, but he's also so very, very good.  Good at his job.  He listens.  Interviews without notes and recounted facts of Mary's years in the NY punk scene, etc without a struggle.  He's prepared, engaged and, well, he has great shoes.  Next up, Michael Fassbender.  You likely don't know much about Michael Fassbender, but you will and you should.  He's just won Best Actor at Venice for his portrayal of a tortured sex addict in Shame, starved himself for the role of Bobby Sands in Hunger, was in XMen and tore it up in Inglorious Bastards.  I saw Jason right after his screening of Shame yesterday and he was almost apoplectic.  Can't wait to see it - Julie, when??  But now, back to Michael.  I'm going to go a bit fan-girly here.  Michael. Is.  Hot.  I know this is completely demeaning to a great talent but I can't help it.  He's not conventionally good looking.  He's long and lean with a perfect gait and an Irish accent.  His jeans, boots, long sleeved T were all fitting quite perfect.  He lifted his arm, exposed his taut tummy, no belt and elastic band of his underwear.  Tease.  ANYWAY.  Anyway.  He's super talented.  Really, he really is.  He's being heralded as the next Daniel Day Lewis for crying out loud!  He talked about the roles he's drawn too, which are tortured and consuming - I worry about him.  He and George bonded over motorcycles.  It was a double wow. After The Hour, rushed it over to ONE for Violet's brunch.  My day of wonder continues as Clive Owen is having a little business meeting at ONE as well.  Julie literally ran into him in the hallway leading to the washroom.  He smiled at her.  I am understatedly jealous.  She was in shock and couldn't really say anything to him.  Came back to the table and her hands were shaking.  She called her hubby to hear his voice on his VM so he could bring her back to reality.  Kinda cute, right?  We spent much of yesterday re-writing Julie's hallway encounter with Clive.  I think we did a damn fine job ... But not as good as these professionals:

Killer Joe, Directed by William Friedkin
Written by Tracy Letts
Starring Emile Hersch, Thomas Hayden Church, Gina Gershon, Juno Temple, Matthew McConaughey

Wow.  Killer Joe is based on a play by the same name also written by Terry Letts.  The guy is a mad genius. He won a Pulitzer for August: Osage County in 2008.  He's got creds.  Friedkin?  Yeah, a few creds too: The Exorcist, The French Connection.  So this little story tells the tale of some really stupid stupid dumb dumb characters who hatch a scheme to get some cash and it all goes kind of wrong.  Simple story.  The best kind.  Because simple stories with kick ass scripts and killer acting make for some pretty perfect movies.  Everyone was simply amazing in this film.   I am happy to say that Matthew McConaughey can now legitimately call himself an actor.  And his shirtless stat remains intact - shirtless +, actually.  There's a lot of crazy shit going on in this movie and some of it involves *spoiler alert* chicken, like a KFC chicken drumstick and Gina Gershon.  On her knees.  Look, that's all I'm going to say.  It was wild and weird and crazy and also pretty fucking amazing.  Go, Go, Go.

Damsels in Distress, Written & Directed by Whit Stillman
Starring Greta Gerwig, Adam Brody

Whit has been away far too long.  It's been 13 years since The Last Days of Disco came out.  13 years?!  Whit!  What have you been doing?  Writing this script I guess?  In the years that have passed since Whit's last masterpiece, his genre of film has actually received a name - thanks Jason! - it's called mumblecore:  movies with heavy dialogue, simple stories made with little money.  It's all here.  In spades.  When actors re-use wardrobe, you know the budget's tight.  The dialogue, the lines in this movie are unreal.  I realize in the real world it would be totally effected, but it's not the real world it's a Whit Stillman movie. It's a parallel universe, but the lines still resonate.  It's absurd, but in the delivery and cadence and rhythm in which they're written and ultimately spoken they somehow ring true.  That's the power of words.  You'll laugh.  And shake your head.  And learn a new international dance craze (because, yes, all Stillman pictures come with a dance number) - sambola yourself to the theatre for this one pronto.

Countdown, Written & Directed by Huh Jong - ho

Okay, what was this movie about?  Everything.  What kind of movie was it?  All kinds.  This was director & writer Huh Jung-ho's first feature and it's like he made all his movies at once. It was a caper, a thriller, a mob movie a comedy a tortured soul drama that came too little too late emotionally for me to care.  Worse - it was so cliche.  Wily seductress?  Check.  Warring criminal gangs?  Check.  Lifeless hero looking for redemption?  Check.  Car Chase Through Open Air Market?  Check.  Enough already.  Making it worse still?  It was sssoooo long!  See what happens with a crummy script?  You get a crummy movie.

Today, today ... Butter and Jeff, Who Lives Alone.  Our 6pm screening was canceled (some regulatory problems in India prevented export of the film) so we're going to do what good girls do: get pedicures and talk about Clive and Michael and the script, moron.  It's all about the script.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 6 - Boys, Boys, Boys

What day is it?  Where am I?  Who are you?  Oh yeah, okay.  Get it the hell together.  I loved yesterday.  Here's why:

Pearl Jam 20
, Directed by Cameron Crowe

I was a huge PJ fan when everyone else was a huge PJ fan.  I've listened to Black more time than I care to admit.  I never really got into grunge, per se, but PJ and Soundgarden, oh yes and absolutely.  For a fan, I knew nothing much about the band, how they came into existence how they found Eddie, what they stood for, what they mean.  This doc will answer all those questions and more.  Better?  Some of the most incredible live concert footage I've ever seen.  Love the band or like the band, this is a complete documentary that will knock your socks off.  We'd expect nothing less from Cameron Crowe.  As an aside, I've also realized that Eddie Vedder and I have the same hair.  Great for a rock star, not so great for me.

Intruders, Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Starring Clive Owen

Coming to us from the director of 28 Days Later, Intruders is a story of the monsters that are born in childhood and how they pass on to adulthood.  It's a horror / suspense so I can't really say too much for fear of spoiling it for you.  I will say there are a few shades of Pan's Labryinth in this one and at the core is a story about what parents do to protect their children.  I like Clive this way - as a devoted, happily married Dad protecting his family.  You believe him. And let me tell you, I could listen to him say the word "sweetheart" for the rest of my days.  I am super thrilled to admit that my Clive Streak continues - he was at the screening, sat 2 rows ahead of me (so considerate!  when I was scared, I just looked over and his side profile provided much solace) and engaged in a great Q and  A where I sat in the front row.  FRONT ROW.  Clive's a man.  There's nothing fey or wee or minor about him.  He's tall and solid and has the most perfect hands.  Enough already.  Sheesh!

Coriolanus, Directed by Ralph Fiennes
Starring Ralph Fiennes, Gerard Butler, Vanessa Redgrave, Brian Cox

Ambitious directorial debut from Ralph Fiennes.  An actor whose face I only really see half of now thanks to Harry Potter.  Oh well.  Everyone was pretty solid but this Shakespeare adaptation about a banished hero of Rome (Fiennes) who allies with his sworn enemy (Butler) to take revenge on the city was, well, okay.  I have a bit of an issue with re-staging Shakespeare to modern times - like, you're so smart and original you need to place Midsummer Night's Dream in summer camp? - but it works here because, let's face it, who the hell knows anything about Coriolanus?  I didn't and don't feel I'm any better for knowing about him now.  Unlikeable main characters make it hard for the audience to connect.  It puts pressure on everyone else, something special has to happen to take you away from your indifference.  That didn't really happen here.  Redgrave, Cox and Butler (who I think must have been on Extreme Makeover, Hollywood Edition - wow, what happened?!) were great, but not great enough.

I really must go ... this morning, I have a date with George Stroumboulopoulos (who I will ask to marry purely for hyphenation purposes) and Michael Fassbender (thanks Patty!), then it's an awesome Happy Birthday Violet Luncheon before KillerJoe, Damsels in Distress and Countdown.

Monday, September 12, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 5 - Emote

Yesterday it was full on emotion.  The kind you don't like to tap into - the deep kind, the pain kind, the wonder why kind.  Fitting on the 10th Anniversary of September 11th.  TIFF commissioned a short film to pay tribute to what happened that day.  Ten years ago yesterday TIFF was in full force, many of our American neighbours were here, in Toronto, and the events in New York and Washington brought the tragedy home in a very different way.  The film was poignant, meaningful and respectful.  I watched that movie 4 times yesterday.  Too much, but not enough.

We Need to Talk About Kevin, Directed by Lynne Ramsey
Starring Tilda Swinton, John C. Reilly, Ezra Miller

This is my definition of a horror movie.  The film, based on a book by Lionel Shriver, focuses on a mother coming to terms with her life, and the guilt surrounding it, after her child commits a massacre at his high school.  Are monsters raised?  Are they born?  Did baby Kevin feel the resentment his mother felt towards him and turn that into the unthinkable?  How does this happen?  Why does this happen?  This isn't the type of film you enjoy / like / recommend. You tell people the flat line facts and let them decide - it's not for the faint of heart.  It will resonate with you on every level.  And it will stay.  It will stay in your brain.  The struggle, the pain, the choices, the change and the reckoning. The story is told from the mom's point of view and I cannot imagine anyone else portraying guilty, tortured Eva than the incomparable Tilda Swinton.  This woman is a marvel - she acts without talking. She looks and feels and uses every ounce of her body, her persona, to convey this woman wondering why.  If you go see this movie, we can talk about it forever.  We'll need to.

Mavericks Series, Featuring ... Tilda Swinton

After the screening, Tilda herself was sitting for an hour long Q and A to talk about her film career.  You all know I'm curiously obsessed with this woman and to be honest, it didn't happen slowly because of her talent it happened immediately at the Oscars.  It's 2008, we're at Jess' place because I've just moved into my condo, have no furniture and didn't feel like hosting a seiza party, and we're watching.  It's time for Best Supporting Actress and the odds on favourite is Ruby Dee - she's won everything and we're ready for the announcement.  Then we hear it :  Tilda Swinton.  TILDA SWINTON?!  TILDA SWINTON!?  From that moment on, I - and everyone at the party - use TILDA SWINTON?! as a term for general what-the-fuck-ness.  Try it.  It so works.  Since then, I've gone back and forward with Tilda's career and the woman is bat shit crazy.  She scares the shit out of me and is so remarkably talented it's awe inspiring.  During the Q and A, we learn that Tilda isn't really crazy, she's a really amazing lady who is a true creative renegade.  She leaves herself bare and exposed emotionally in most of her films as it is transformation and identity that draws her to her work - you need to be pretty solid on the inside to deal with this stuff like this on the outside, and she is.  Committed, hard working, artistic, fearless and amazing.  She says herself that she was not brought up on this planet - I believe her.

In Darkness, Directed by Agnleszka Holland

The film focuses on a little-known phenomenon in Second World War Poland, Jews hiding in the underground sewer systems of the major cities to escape deportation and the death camps.  We, too, lived in darkness for this film - following the lives of "Socha's Jews" as they spent 14 months in the sewers of Lvov.  The last scene of this film - the final emergence from the sewer to sunlight - is one of the most powerful I have witnessed in all my movie going days.  Struggle, pain, hardship, determination and the courage of the human spirit.  This is a "what a movie" movie.   After the film, director Holland introduced us to the woman who wrote the memoir the film was based on.  This woman was one of Socha's Jews.  Who, by the age of 7, had spent 14 months of her life living in a sewer.  How?  Why?  These are not questions made for answering.  They are made for thinking.

Anonymous, Directed by Roland Emmerich
Starring Rhys Ifans, David Thewlis, Vanessa Redgrave, Joely Richardson

The most mainstream of my films thus far - I mean, the poster's on the side of buses for crying out loud - and I loved it.  I'm a sucker for period pieces, history, conspiracy and swords.  Anonymous has it all, as well as a sharp script and bang on cast.  Go.  You'll love it and learn a few things.  Not a bad deal if you ask me.

Today ... Pearl Jam 20, Intruders, Coriolanus.  This is harder than I thought it was going to be.   But most things are.  And most things that are, are worth it.  Especially if people think you're crazy.  ;)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 4 - Flaws

What draws you to films?  Is it the actors, the story, what happens to be playing?  For me, the movies I love most are the ones which portray people just trying to figure their shit out - stories like this can play out any genre and draw me in because they make me feel unified with the greater cosmos:  I, you, everyone, somehow, someway that's what we're all trying to do.  We're all trying to figure our shit out.  Today, mostly everyone was trying to figure their shit out.

Friends With Kids
, Directed & Written by Jennifer Westfeldt
Starring Jennifer Westfeldt, Adam Scott, Maya Rudolph, Chris O'Dowd, Kristen Wiig, Jon Hamm, Megan Fox, Ed Burns.

I loved this film.  Jason loved this film.  Everyone in the theatre loved this film.  When I can laugh and cry during a movie, it's a hands down winner. The story here was quite simple: the ups and downs and turnarounds of a group of friends and how they deal with having kids.  And how two of these friends deal with having their own kid.  Marriages are strained, friendships tested but through it all everyone is just working really figuring out how to make it work.  The script was crackerjack and perfectly played by everyone (even Megan Fox who I think ate her only white carbs in life during filming of this movie - mashed potatoes in a dinner scene - way to go Megan!).  Adam Scott, Jon Hamm, Megan Fox and Jennifer Westfeldt were on hand for a Q and A and Jennifer left everyone in awe - gorgeous, funny, smart, talented, gracious and simply perfect.  Jon Hamm is one lucky dude.  Now, I must tell you, I don't think anyone can rock hangover stubble like Jon Hamm.  Off movie topic, I was actually Hammified this morning and lost my Blackberry. Yup, fell right off my lap, left the theatre without it, suffered a mild panic attack two blocks away and ventured back in to find it.  ThankS God it was there and I'm sorry that I broke the rib of that amazing TIFF volunteer with the most meaningful hug ever ... Oh, Jon Hamm!  Can you imagine if Ed Burns was there too ?! He's my ultimate favourite.  Did you know that?  He is.  Love.  Ed.  Burns.  Okay ... go see Friends With Kids - it will be impossible for you not to relate to at least one character in the film.  It will be impossible for you not to laugh out loud.  The crying depends on you, I don't know what you're made of, but, I can guarantee a sense of warm fuzzy seeing NYC at Christmastime.

The Descendants, Directed by Alexander Payne
Starring George Clooney

I know you're all going to think I loved this movie because of George and you know what - you're damn right.  But it's not because of the George of George, it's because outside George's old style Hollywood glamour, the villa in Como, perfectly cut suits, save the world endeavours and the coolest life known to man is a remarkably talented actor.  That face!  Those lines!  Those eyes!  So, so expressive and so unafraid to show us the kind of pain and despair that happens to a man when he realizes his life isn't exactly what he thought it was.  In a spirited Q and A, (studly) Cameron Bailey, co-director of TIFF, asked Alexander Payne why he was always drawn to stories of flawed men. Payne took great exception to this, telling him that we are all flawed.  Who is not flawed.  We're not super heroes - he's simply telling real stories of real pain and the real human condition.  George asked if they'd like to take it outside.  It was cute, but point taken.  This was a very human story - moving and tragic, yet hopeful, tinged with humour.  You'll be hearing alot about this one and I know you're going to see it.

Drive, Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn
Starring Ryan Gosling, Bryan Cranston, Cary Mulligan, Albert Brooks

Ryan Gosling is one versatile actor - now we know he can play a romantic lead AND a guy who can kill you using a shower rod or the heel of his boot.  His character, the lead, known only as Driver, was obviously completely complicated and screwed up.  I don't think he wanted to figure it out.  Why?  I dunno.  I do know Drive was pretty gruesome.  It's also pretty slick, styled and moody, with a killer soundtrack.  I need to think about this one a little more.  Shock value was high.  Acting stellar.  But I'm not sure it came together enough for me.  In the Q and A, director Refn said he wanted to make a movie that was a cross between Steven King and John Hughes.  What does that mean?  He's nuts, but funny and the cast - Gosling, Cranston and Brooks - who were at the session obviously had loads of fun making this picture.  Loved Gosling chiding Brooks for never having seen Breaker High.  Go see for yourself, but make sure you know the person you end of sitting beside as you'll likely spend some time curled up in their shoulder merely listening to the sounds of death.  Thanks Cres!

Fittingly, today on the 10th Anniversary of September 11th, it will be a sombre day at TIFF.  TILDA SWINTON?!, In We Need to Talk About Kevin, plays the mother of a teenage boy responsible for a school massacre.  After that, it's Tilda in an hour live Q and A session.  Tonight, my annual holocaust movie, In Darkness and we wrap it all up with Anonymous (let's hope this 'Shakespeare is a hack movie' lightens things up a bit).

Onwards - A TIFF To Remember, and a triple shot Americano, await! 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 3 - Return to The Elgin

"Welcome to the Beautiful and Historic Elgin Theatre."  I will be hearing this line about 15 times during my TIFFathon as most of my selected films are playing there.  Fine with me.  Lovely to me.  Beautiful and historic to me.  The theatre is grand, majestic and sets the tone for a night of wonder - last night, with seats saved by Julie, Mike (Julie's understanding husband) and Violet, Suzanne joined in for a night of magic.  (Cres was with the Brange at Moneyball).

The Artist - Directed by Michel Hazanavicius.  Starring Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo, with John Goodman and James Cromwell.
 
Admittedly, I had my doubts about this one.  It's a black and white silent film.  What?  No talking?  How are we going to know what's going on?  Well, we're not dumb and neither is Hazanavicius - this film is a gem.  A charming love letter to silent film, the 20s and cinema in general.  Without dialogue, actors are on high alert - facial expressions, nuance, eyes all must work overdrive and this cast was stellar.   I could gaze into Berenice Bejo's face forever - stunning, stunning and Jean Dujardin, what can you say?  Funny, tragic, conflicted and movie star handsome.  These French sure are talented.  Goodman and Cromwell were super solid and the whole movie was perfectly amazing.  A scene which is certain to become one of my most favourites ever, takes Jean Dujardin's George Valentin, a silent film star on his way out due to the invention of talkies, through a nightmare where we actually starts hearing things within his dressing room:   his glass returning to the counter; a pen dropping; phone ringing; dog barking (oh!  this dog!).  To George, this cacophony of sound is too much to bear and he seeks solace outside, where, again - more noise, more sound!  Girls laughing, planes overhead, and soon, it becomes too loud for us, the audience, too.  It's too much.  Too loud.  Too noisy.  We, along with George, are finally allowed to seek refuge watching a soft feather float down from the sky.  Calm and peaceful - until it lands to the sound of a bomb exploding.  George wakes and realizes his life has changed forever.  Brilliant.

The Artist is generating some very early Oscar Buzz and with Harvey Weinstein behind the campaign (Uncle Harvey showed up with 5 minutes of the film to go last night to gauge audience reaction) you know this is going to be serious.  Don't do it for Uncle Harvey, do it for me - go see The Artist.

Unfortunately, I missed the Q&A after the film with the charming director and star because I had to boot it over the the Bell Lightbox. The Lightbox might not be historic, but it's beautiful and also a pretty amazing place to see a movie.  If you haven't had the opportunity, GO.

U2s From the Sky Down - Directed by Davis Guggenheim.  Now, this is hard, but, I'm not going to talk about this one.  You see, my sweet sweet U2 Partner In Crime, my SF, my Effie is flying in next week from Vancouver and I'm seeing this again with her.  (As long as Air Canada doesn't screw this up for us.)  I don't want to spoil the "just like the first time" experience for her, so with respect and affection and love and apologies to who I went with and those we ran into, I have to sort of pretend that last night's movie never happened.  You understand, right?  I will say that while it often scares me how much I love this band, the film itself wasn't perfect.  A two-fer on this one next week, okay?  Promise. 

So, a very rewarding Day 2.  But listen, when you start your day off with a massage and end it with ice cream +, what could possibly be the issue? Today, a TRIPLE scoop of Dreamboat :  Friends w/ Kids, w/ Jon Hamm; The Descendants w/ GEORGE; Drive w/ Ryan Gosling. How's that for a stellar scheduling job? 

Oh, La .. a TIFF to Remember indeed!

Friday, September 9, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 2 - Armed & Dangerous

This is how we should wake up every morning:  When we want to.  With the only prospects ahead being things we want to do.  Life is good.  But, enough of the self-congratulations!  It's time to get down to business - my movie odyssey has just begun and it's not for the faint of heart or ill prepared.

I'm ready.  Ready for what's next.  Here's how:

I have a journal & pen.  TIFF issued, of course.  The Wondertriplets have the same one.  Aren't we cute? Random musings, film notes it's all in here.  I am certain by Day 7 the script will be quite useful to any pharmacist as my penmanship goes the way of the dodo, but I have to keep track of things.  And, without a bloody iPad - I need an iPad - it's pen to paper for me.  Honestly, honestly I would have bought an iPad to prep for TIFF, but this week I was told by the crusty lady at my watch establishment that as my watch had "suffered an unauthorized intervention" it needed a complete overhaul to the tune of $475.  I know - doesn't it sound like my watch was raped?  And now clearly I'm being violated 475 times and while I have no problem spending lots of money, I don't like spending money on things to return them to normal.  I like spending money on new things.  Like iPads.  But somehow, I just can't do it right now.  

Starbucks Card.  I'm not a huge Bucks fan.  Their coffee, quite frankly, sucks.  They are, however, everywhere and they make a half decent Americano and as I'll be wandering the fair streets of Toronto from one movie to the next these Americanos are going to be my best friend.  I don't want to waste time looking for exact change (because I enjoy it) so I'm loading up the card. 

Fully Charged BB.  Self Explanatory.  Come on.

Covert Snacks.  I was alarmed to discover that a few TIFF venues do not offer concessions.  What?  I enjoy a good movie snack and will thus be taking in covert snacks.  Tell and die.

The Perfect Bag.  On most days, I'll be leaving my house early and coming home late.  I need a bag to fit everything but I don't want to look like a TIFF sherpa.  I really wrestled with this one - the Wondertriplets spent some time over our inaugural TIFF lunch discussing this on Thursday.   We decided I didn't need a new bag (shocking, sad), but instead would make do with what I had (suffering) and use the money I would have spent on a new bag to buy an iPad (so smart).  But I'm not doing that right now.  My TIFF bag is perfect enough.  I cringed typing that.

Upturned Ears & Watchful Eyes.  You need to be high alert during TIFF.  You never know what's going to happen.  I know I shouldn't do this, but I love to listen in on other people's conversations.  To maybe make fun of them, but to also conjure up some very interesting backstory to the current story they are telling.  Fun!  Just last night, we sat behind a guy who said "and honestly, I hate Sarah Polley so much right now".  Really?!  Why?!  We really, really wanted to ask but, well, it's more fun to imagine the possibilities. 

Onwards moviegoers!  Today it's The Artist (silent film from France, generating hardcore Oscar buzz) and U2s From the Sky Down (!!!!!!!!!!).  Reports on both tomorrow, for now, my take on last night's film.

Restless : Directed by Gus Van Zant, starring Mia Wasikowska and Henry Hopper.  Sombre tale about a girl who is dying, yet obsessed with life, who teaches a boy, who has given up on life how to live. I really wanted to love this movie, as I watched, I wanted to love it.  But, I can only say I liked it.  I think the film fell down for me (as Smartie Pants Shannon said) with Henry's portrayal of troubled Enoc.  He was flat, we were disconnected and his story a tad cliche.  Overall, though, a really powerful message on how we shouldn't let the awful things in our life define us - they didn't happen to us because of us, they just happened to us.  I like that.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A TIFF To Remember - Volume 1 - The Posse

You want to kick it Hollywood Styles?  You need a Posse.  And usually - just ask Vince Chase and Leo - your Posse is way cooler than you.  This Posse is integral to any scheme you may be hatching and any fun you may want to be having:  they'll drive the getaway car, strike the match and testify at your trial with a watertight alibi.  Roll with peeps like that and your life is gold.  Solid Gold.

FINE. I am not about to embark on some crazy ass crime spree, but let me tell you, if I was I would look no further than a Posse like this.  Actually, scratch that.  This Posse, well, respectfully, I don't think we roll like that - we'd all be laughing so hard it would be hard to get down to business.  We'd surely get caught because we'd be rather loud with all our laughing.  With tears streaming down our faces and snort laughs (yes, me) abounding,  the only crimes we'd be capable of committing would maybe be budding in line (kind of sort of by accident but not really).  No, with this Posse it's all fun all the time, alibis and testimony not required.  You can't do 27 movies in 10 days alone, so without further adieu, my TIFF To Remember Posse ...


Cres.
You were all introduced to Cres way back in January :  http://curiousyetdelicious.blogspot.com/2011/03/bestnightever.html.  Cres and I went to the Junos together.  Cres and I do lots of things together because whenever I ask her to see something or she asks me, there are two ways it will go down.  The first way :  'YES!'  Or the second way:  'It's not totally my thing, but if there's no one else that wants to go, I'm in'.  So, clearly, a social match made in heaven.  Cres is one of the funniest people I know.  She is movie obsessed and a veritable pop culture encyclopedia.  Her Dad looks like Robert De Niro and she is in love with Michael Vartan.  Just look him up.  Anyway, we both paid real cash money to see MV on screen in Monster In Law and are both quite bummed that our timing is not working out to catch his latest - where it looks like he's playing Vaughn again?! - Columbiana.  That's love.  Cres is also quite awesome because when I told her I was having a real crisis of conscious over ditching her sister's birthday dinner to see a newly scheduled screening of U2s From the Sky Down, she didn't bat an eye.  I mean, I think she said "if the situation was reversed I wouldn't think twice", but still, it's awesome.  And let me say this:  I would happily have you miss my wedding if it meant a chance for you to do anything involving the Brange.  Okay? Fist to Heart Pump.  Twice.  Cres has a locked down Blackberry (thanks to her major Canadian Bank employer) that is going to make communication at the Festival very challenging.  We must email.  With her crappy major Canadian Bank server working against us.  Nothing's easy.

Julie.
Not surprisingly, I met Julie through Cres.  From what I understand, they bonded at work over ... the movies.  I know, crazy, right?  So, Julie's super cool and takes her super cool daughters to see all the movies Julie grew up with like Princess Bride and Back to the Future so they don't grow up watching crap like Are We There Yet?  Good on ya, Julie!  Julie has a blog too, check it out :  http://flickaddictionsandotherfixations.blogspot.com/
There.  Now I've outed you so you'd better start writing more!  It's mildly amusing to me that Julie and I rarely see eye to eye on any movie.  Like, I hate everything she likes.  I recall quite fondly the banter surrounding the abysmal Winter's Bone - "of course you hated it - it's like camping!"  First off, why does everyone think I hate camping and second, Jesus Christ Julie that movie sucked.  What we don't share in movie taste we make up for in spades by loving the art form as well as shoes and purses.  Oh come on .. we're girls!  Julie also works for a major Canadian Bank which gave her a lockdown Blackberry, but you know what she did?  She bought an iPhone (HELLO Cres ?!), so we can What'sAPP to death.  Some things are so easy.

The three of us - Cres, Jules & Me are collectively known as the WonderTriplets.  Remember those underrated SuperTwins who activated their wonderpowers and either transformed into water in any state or the form of any animal?  Well, they're triplets now because there are three of us (working for major Canadian banks makes us all quite smart).  I'm not sure what we're going to transform into aside from creaky stiff people with blurred vision, but we'll get back to you.  While we did just fine coming up with our grand TIFF adventure on our own, everyone needs a guide and mentor, right?  Here's ours:

Violet.
Violet is Julie's Mom.  Why is Julie so cool? Duh, because her Mom is the coolest.  (I can say this because while my Mom is the best, she is decidedly not cool.  Violet?  Violet is cool.).  Violet is going to tear up TIFF this year, just like she's done in years past.  One of my favourite TIFF memories involves Violet and Clive Owen.  So, there's Clive sitting 2 rows ahead of us (Cres, Jules, Me, Violet) looking damn fine with his popcorn and perfectly cut suit and of course we need this photo.  We need a photo of Clive.  We can't go, it would be sssooo obvious and lame and honestly we would forget our words, so we send Violet because, well, as Julie said "she's a grandmother, he won't refuse her!".  Well, off Violet goes and it really looks like she's charming Clive to death and she snaps his photo and she comes back and, well, no photo.  What?  Anyway, bygones!  It is a true testament to how we feel about Violet that the WonderTriplets unilaterally decided to forego the pleasure of watching Michael Fassbender act out his sexual compulsions in Shame and are instead seeing Killer Joe for Violet's birthday.  We love you, Violet.

So, there you have it.  The Posse.  There will be others coming and going throughout our 10 day marathon, but for all intent and purpose, these are my peeps.  Hardcore.  And in a few short hours we'll be sitting down to our first film - a charming tale of two crazy kids who bond over death.  Like, talking about death and shit.  Welcome back, Gus Van Zant.

Oh, what a TIFF to Remember it will be ...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

EXCEL – erate!

Maestro! Cue the music!

… it’s the most wonderful time of year! …

It’s TIFF!  I love TIFF.  TIFF is a noun, a verb and an adjective.  TIFF is simply the best. 

I’m more excited than normal this year because I have – pause – missed TIFF for two years in a row.  I don’t want to talk about it, I’m just thankful TIFF has taken me back.  So, to honour our getting back together I’m really focusing on TIFF this year – TIFF and me, we’re going at it hard.  I’m taking time off my real life job, staying in the city and, well, spending all my time with TIFF.  I hope TIFF knows what this means – I never, ever take time off work and simply stay home.  This is why I’ve missed TIFF for two years in a row – trips!  And TIFF must know that with all the money I’m spending on it this year I may as well have booked a trip to Paris (FRANCE not TEXAS).  TIFF is not for the shallow of pocket.  But TIFF is worth it.  I love TIFF.  Oh … my TIFF.

TIFFs got me on a tight leash this year:  27 movies in 10 days.  There was no choice – I had to see everything.  I can’t say no to TIFF!  Compiling this punishing schedule was exhausting, complicated and hard – I feel I can now successfully handle a military operation.  Where must I be at what time with who?  What time is this film ending so I can be there then with you? Really?  We can’t see this?  WHY?!   It’s all on EXCEL.  I know, right?  When you map out your fun on an EXCEL spreadsheet, you’ve really crossed a barrier.  So be it.  I’m doing it for TIFF.  I actually know one half of the most boring couple in the world who actually plan time for “stroll around Versailles” on their vacation spreadsheet.  I’m not going to lie:  some time has been spent discussing what sex is like with these two:  10:45-10:48 – moan.  ?  Whatever - who cares and FOCUS!  I simply fear a mild form of panic creeping in at 245pm on Wednesday the 14th when I realize I should be here but am actually there.  This mild panic will inevitably turn into a meltdown where I am sitting cross legged in the middle of King Street waiving my tickets around hoping the streetcar stops in time.  Can't let this happen.  Excel it is.  Ridicule if you must.  I’m doing it for my TIFF.  And traffic.

I’m thrilled that my TIFF recurring themes of the holocaust and Clive Owen are returning this year.  Every TIFF, I see a movie about the holocaust (keep it real, yo!) and every TIFF, I see a movie with or actually with (with!) Clive Owen.  He’s back, the holocaust is back and I’m back too.  I’m seeing a movie twice (U2’s worth it – when your worlds collide, you have to go with it), as well as a movie with George and Ryan (but not the one where they’re together) and Jon and TILDA SWINTON?! in celluloid and in the flesh and 19 others.  TIFF is so good to me. 

Finally realizing my dream of being Christiane Amanpour (Shut up.  I know Toronto is no Kuwait but this is as close as I’m ever going to get.) I will be reporting from the field starting Friday.  Stay tuned for dispatches on what promises to be … a TIFF TO REMEMBER!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Artificial Intelligence

Are you smart?
Do people think you’re smart?
Do you care if people think you’re smart?

Me?  I have my moments.  There’s plenty of stuff I know and more than plenty of stuff I don’t know – how to build things, what exactly is happening in Sudan, and how the cables behind my TV work for starters – I’m not quite sure if this signifies a real lack of intelligence or a lack of desire to acquire said intelligence, but there you have it.  My lack of smarts is limitless, really.  It’s questionable whether people think I’m smart or not – I mean, sometimes I do and say some pretty stupid things but overall I don’t think I’m the type of person that people say “she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer” or “she’s one egg shy of a dozen” or “she’s dumber than a bag of hammers” about.  As an aside, aren’t those actually really cute - corny ways to say someone is dumbass stupid?  Anyway, I don’t think I’m there but I’m only now comfortable with the fact that if someone thinks I actually am not the crispiest chip in the bag (personal favourite) so be it.  My life isn’t really about constantly competing in a Smart-a-thon. I mean, who cares?

You know people like this, though, right?  People who may or may not be smart but go to great pains to show you they’re smart.  This wicked combination of condescension and annoyance wrapped in bravado is best saved for the United Nations Security Council if you ask me.  I mean, who cares?

Who cares where you went to school or what your high falutin hobby is or what high brow music you listen to, how high cultured you are or what book you're reading? 

Here’s me:  I went to UofT – big freakin’ deal.  Last week, I played Penguin Tag with grown adults in Improv class, watched 6 episodes of Fashion Police (which I religiously PVR), went to a Barry Manilow concert and started a new book.  So what am I going to tell you now – that I’m reading War and Peace to eradicate the cavalcade of dumb stuff I regularly partake in ?  Hardly.  I’m out and proud, baby: started a Harlequin romance. Is that not the best?  I mean, who can resist a title like “The Prodigal Texan” for $1.99 at the most charming second hand bookstore in Chatsworth (a town for me if there ever was one), Ontario?  Not me!  I can’t wait to start ripping into this thing.  What on Earth will happen to Jud and Miranda?  (Jud and Miranda!).

Think what you will.  I mean, who cares?

Friday, September 2, 2011

Reinvention

I’m not sure if I’ve uncovered some new social phenomenon or it’s a weird coincidence, but I’ve met two people in the last little while who basically shed every three or four years.

They’re not dogs or werewolves.  They’re people shedding people.  Like their friends.  

I realize this often happens in a natural sort of way many times in your life – you move, grow apart, have a wicked fight and become mortal enemies – but to consciously decide you’ve had enough of everybody and just move on and start from scratch?  I’m suspicious, confused and afraid.  In truth the first time I heard this I thought the person telling me might be a spy or in witness protection.  But, no, they were just some normal run of the mill person who also happens to be a class – A weirdo.  A class A - weirdo completely devoid of substance and complexity.  A shell.

I do like the idea of purging and starting anew – like with a new fall wardrobe or dishes, but with my friends? I don’t get it.  I also don’t get why someone would tell you this, like you’re now in some competition to be the one that makes it to the end.  I don’t need that kind of pressure.  I also don’t need this kind of weirdo in my life, even for a short time.

So, listen up all you social revolving door wackos: stay away from me.  If we’re going to be friends, I’m in for the long haul.