EXCEL – erate!

Maestro! Cue the music!

… it’s the most wonderful time of year! …

It’s TIFF!  I love TIFF.  TIFF is a noun, a verb and an adjective.  TIFF is simply the best. 

I’m more excited than normal this year because I have – pause – missed TIFF for two years in a row.  I don’t want to talk about it, I’m just thankful TIFF has taken me back.  So, to honour our getting back together I’m really focusing on TIFF this year – TIFF and me, we’re going at it hard.  I’m taking time off my real life job, staying in the city and, well, spending all my time with TIFF.  I hope TIFF knows what this means – I never, ever take time off work and simply stay home.  This is why I’ve missed TIFF for two years in a row – trips!  And TIFF must know that with all the money I’m spending on it this year I may as well have booked a trip to Paris (FRANCE not TEXAS).  TIFF is not for the shallow of pocket.  But TIFF is worth it.  I love TIFF.  Oh … my TIFF.

TIFFs got me on a tight leash this year:  27 movies in 10 days.  There was no choice – I had to see everything.  I can’t say no to TIFF!  Compiling this punishing schedule was exhausting, complicated and hard – I feel I can now successfully handle a military operation.  Where must I be at what time with who?  What time is this film ending so I can be there then with you? Really?  We can’t see this?  WHY?!   It’s all on EXCEL.  I know, right?  When you map out your fun on an EXCEL spreadsheet, you’ve really crossed a barrier.  So be it.  I’m doing it for TIFF.  I actually know one half of the most boring couple in the world who actually plan time for “stroll around Versailles” on their vacation spreadsheet.  I’m not going to lie:  some time has been spent discussing what sex is like with these two:  10:45-10:48 – moan.  ?  Whatever - who cares and FOCUS!  I simply fear a mild form of panic creeping in at 245pm on Wednesday the 14^th when I realize I should be here but am actually there.  This mild panic will inevitably turn into a meltdown where I am sitting cross legged in the middle of King Street waiving my tickets around hoping the streetcar stops in time.  Can't let this happen.  Excel it is.  Ridicule if you must.  I’m doing it for my TIFF.  And traffic.

I’m thrilled that my TIFF recurring themes of the holocaust and Clive Owen are returning this year.  Every TIFF, I see a movie about the holocaust (keep it real, yo!) and every TIFF, I see a movie with or actually with (with!) Clive Owen.  He’s back, the holocaust is back and I’m back too.  I’m seeing a movie twice (U2’s worth it – when your worlds collide, you have to go with it), as well as a movie with George and Ryan (but not the one where they’re together) and Jon and TILDA SWINTON?! in celluloid and in the flesh and 19 others.  TIFF is so good to me. 

Finally realizing my dream of being Christiane Amanpour (Shut up.  I know Toronto is no Kuwait but this is as close as I’m ever going to get.) I will be reporting from the field starting Friday.  Stay tuned for dispatches on what promises to be … a TIFF TO REMEMBER!