Bottom's Up

My love affair with shoes is well known and documented.

My hate affair with fashion missteps is too.

To save us all from hazardous eye poison as we, at long last, move into Spring I offer words of caution:

Ladies, ladies, ladies, kindly refrain from the uber elevated platform.  Unless you are auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race, there is no room in your closet for these flagrant fouls of fashion – they are tacky and make you look trashy.  Lose/Lose.

Your feet, I will tolerate – I mean, feet, really, EEWW – if you have done your due diligence and maintained them in a way that does not assault modicums of proper hygiene.  Moisturize!  Slough!  Pedicure!  If all that’s too much for you, wear socks.  They were invented to cover your gross feet.  True story.

Toes are best when covered in bright shiny polish.  Or at least pedicured to look like they are covered in bright shiny polish (hello, buff pedicure!).  Toes are not best when suffocated in pantyhose AND open toed shoes.  This is, to me, the worst fashion offence ever, ever.  This is a fashion contradiction akin to the worn-alone sleeveless turtleneck (neck, cold.  arms, warm. ??).   Make a decision – are they in?   Are they out?  Are you going bare legged and open toed OR hosed and pumped.  It’s not a tough choice ladies.  Make one and step forward with confidence. 

I know I must sound like a Shoe Gestapo and overall Fashion Meanie and, really, who am I to talk?  I’m no style maven – I can’t get away with 95% of what’s cool these days and basically wear the same iteration of the same outfit every single day.  This must be why I’m a stickler for things like tailoring and common sense – if I can’t look hip I may as well look put together.  And this put togetherness starts with a solid, sloughed and well soled foundation.  Yours should too.