I just don't get it.
I just don't want to get it.
For someone that needs to understand the whys and hows of everything this is a pretty big white flag. But I can deal with it. I can deal with not knowing the whys and hows of browers and operating systems and the differences between kbs and mbs. (Yes, really, I don't know.)
The problem though with not having a clue is, quite simply, it's 2012. And I'm not at Shady Pines yet. Like, you sort of need to know some stuff. You need to get by. So, in order to "get by" I complain about how complicated things are and then I ask smart people for help. This works because generally people like to show you how smart they are and sometimes you find nice people who can show you they are smart without making you feel stupid. I love these people. Here is an example of my most recent techno nightmare and how I sought to fix it. Names have been changed to protect the idiot, but yeah, I sent these emails.
"Dear Genius,
I’m having a problem and I really, really hope you can help me. It’s not embarrassing or anything, I would describe it as typical. I’m having a typical kind of me problem. It involves my iPad and my Laptop. They don’t seem to be getting along. You see, they’re just not talking to each other. As you know, Genius, this causes problems for any and all kinds of relationships. You need to help me help them. I don’t want my iPad to go without, you know? I have all this new music that my Laptop is just hoarding right now and it’s not fair that iPad can’t have it!
This is basically what happened, how I tried to get them on track:
I opened iTunes on my Laptop. I plugged my Laptop into my iPad. Nothing happened.
I turned everything off and started again. Nothing happened.
I thought maybe the cable was broken, but it’s not because my iPad was charging (see! Laptop is trying to talk!).
I thought maybe the super connection power was waning so I tested out my iPod. It worked and synced. Laptop is a giver!
I stared at my screen for a while hoping I could will them together. Nothing happened.
I sent you a message. Nothing happened.
I was sad. I felt my iPad being sad, without new Muse and Metric, I mean, how could it be anything but? I tried. I really, really tried to figure things out.
I remembered something about operating systems and upgrades, so I went online to do something called “troubleshooting”. I discovered that my iPad is on 6 (because, you know I have Siri now – which of course is very exciting), and my laptop is on Snow Leopard (a new thing that I loaded up last week), which is also called 10.6.8 which is very confusing, I mean, who would name a leopard that? and my iTunes is 7. Do you think, Genius, that this is the problem? Is this Apple’s version of the Tower of Babel? Can’t we all get along? Can you help me?
Humbly Yours,
Damsel in Digital Distress."Well, sadly, my Genius had no idea. They seemed to think I was doing everything right, so I contemplated just throwing everything in the garbage and starting from scratch. But this seemed wasteful and not very eco-friendly. I was bummed out to the highest degree. And I didn't want to give up. I am tenacious and stubborn when I'm not lazy and apathetic and this wasn't going to get me! So, armed with determination and the ability to outstare, I tried again. And then, then this:
"Good Morning Genius!
Hugs & Kisses,
Empowered Enduser"
So, basically, I thought I installed the new animal or whatever, I mean what the hell? It was grinding in that CD slot for hours. But obviously nothing happened and then by total fluke I found a tab that said “system updates” which led me to an enormous update that I guess I had missed between the release and present day.
HA!
Take that technology! I don't need to be smart or crafty or even remotely clever to understand your shit! I just need to be a little moron and find solutions to enormous problems by pure fluke and determination!
Ah, technology, now you're a metaphor for my entire life? Crafty little bugger aren't you? FINE. Fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment