Focus

Common life mantra: Focus on the positive.

We're told to look at the bright side of everything, right? Glass half full, Buck Up Buttercup and all that, right?

As an upbeat person with a wide array of rose coloured glasses I'm totally hip to this groove. Being positive is my jam!

Maybe sometimes, though, we should focus on the negative. Digging into why something won't work out can often show us that what we think we want likely won’t be all that if we ever get it.  Bring out the obstacles!  Lay out all the crap!  Imagine a life of frustration, aggravation and depression! Who wants that?  I know!  Me neither! 

This is hard.  Everything I turn to for negative inspiration is, well, positive.  There are silver linings everywhere!  Look at Kate Monster who tells us that “you’ll never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb”.  She wants us to go for it!  She wants us to try!  But you know what Kate Monster?  I’m not climbing up that fucking mountain again.  The terrain is treacherous.  I keep getting pushed (i.e. kicked hard) back.  It hurts, Kate Monster, inside and out!  And I know I’m never ever going to get there.  As much as I wish it to be so, my life isn’t a musical, Kate Monster! Things don’t work out.  I can deal with this because I just can’t be a positive everything’s-going-to-work-out-for-you-and-your-friends-on-Avenue-Q type of person right now. Okay?

I know I seem rather Class-A-Carrie Mathison- crazy, talking to puppets and all.  If I must confess, I’ve also been talking back to Songza and iTunes.  They’ve been stupidly positive and hopeful too!  But, whatever, because for me, being Little Miss Doomsday is just as Class-A crazy.  So, why not?  Why not focus on the negative for a little while?  Please, please, just let me, just for  thismuch longer, let me go against everything I am and know and believe and let me keep thinking negative.  Then I’ll gain some real clarity and be back with smiles and laughs and hopes and dreams for everyone.  I promise.  Yes, Kate Monster, I promise I will!  But listen, between you and me, that mountain?  That mountain is a non-negotiable no.  Okay?

Okay.