Face It

Scary season is completely upon us.  Outlandish ghouls and goblins humouring our inner fraidy cat, making a mockery of things that truly aim to terrorize.  Things like our phobias and limitations.

Many of our fears are outward and these are the easiest to face because they’re usually coupled with want.  I want this, so I will push through that.  I wanted to fly on a trapeze last year so I ignored my fear of heights.  My desire to surf allowed me to miraculously forget the scariness of the wide open ocean and my weakness as a swimmer. I wanted these things so bad I crushed how petrified I was and just focused on the doing.  The trapeze was of course amazing, but the surfing?  A whole next level of amazing.  It was by far one of the most rewarding and exhilarating experiences of my life and every time I notice the scars I endured I smile to myself and think “Jesus, you did it.  What an awesome nutjob you are.”  This is as much positive self – talk as I can take.  My latest conquer, if you will, is singing.  Not so much the act itself, but actually sucking at the singing in front of people.  You see, I’m taking Musical Improv now and we have to sing and rhyme and I am utterly petrified.  I suck.  Completely.  But that, apparently, doesn’t matter in musical improv.  If you’re a great singer in this context it’s actually rather boring.  People come to see commitment and finding glory in the suck. I can totally do that.  And I’m going to do it.  I am doing it!  I want to do this.  I want to get good and scare the shit out of myself and come out the other side exhilarated and thrilled and, yes, somewhat proud of myself.

Inner fears are harder.  They’re by logic deeper, riddled with memories of pain, hurt and self-doubt.  But can we try, maybe, to use our outer fear tricks to conquer these inner fear ghouls?  As a quintessential ‘yes’ person, you know I think we can.

In order to do this, we need to give fear another friend.  We need to give our fear trust.  I was scared out of my mind on that trapeze (http://curiousyetdelicious.blogspot.com/2011/08/just-trust-and-jump.html) but I trusted the power of the harness and the instructor and I just jumped.  Drowning, hitting my head on a big ass rock and, yes, actually dying crossed my mind a number of times during my surf escapade, but I trusted my cool as a cucumber instructor enough to believe that he wasn’t going to let me die.  And now, I trust my improv mates (who are far, far more talented than I) to make do with my lame rhyming blues couplets and come up with some magic for all of us.  But most of all, I trusted myself.  I trusted that regardless of how uncoordinated and scared and untalented I was, it was all going to be okay.  I was going to be okay.  The people around me were going to make sure that everything was going to be all right, and, guess what?  It was.  It is.  I am.

I faced it all and never regretted it for a second.  Things are never as scary as we think they are, not when want and trust are on the case.

Don’t live an almost.  Live an is.  Face it.  You know you can.