The Four Letter Word

I swear.  Not often (although I should probably ask people I talk to how often they think I swear), but I do.  I used to consider it a refuge for poor communicators, but now I have come to appreciate that nothing really accentuates a sentiment like a well placed fuck.

In any event, the four letter word that is most taboo in my vocabulary right now isn’t of the swearing variety, it’s of the mood and feeling variety.

Right now, well for a long right now, my most dangerous 4 letter word is expectation.

On its own, the word is rather amazing: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

Who doesn’t love looking forward to things?  Anticipation?  Oh, la!  I’m all over that.

The issue with expectation though, is when you tack it onto people.  When you expect and anticipate things from people and, well, they fall short.  They fall short of your expectations and you become disappointed.  Disappointed in the person and ultimately disappointed in yourself for having these expectations in the first place.

To avoid disappointment, you ‘manage’ or ‘temper’ expectations by not really expecting much of anyone.  Anything you get, any bone you’re thrown, is a bonus.  Or, you shift your expectations depending on who you’re dealing with; it seems logical to not expect the same things from everyone because not everyone’s the same.  Both these options seem pretty crappy to me.     

Are my expectations too high?  Am I expecting too much?  I’m going to say yes.  But I really think no.

I was brought up by some pretty rock solid role models – there was never any waver, never any doubt, about anything.  They were there.  All. The. Time.  The word anchor seems light in relation.  When you grow up like this, this is what you come to, well, expect - that people, the people you chose to have in your life, will be there.  They will be to you what you are to them:  present; engaged; interested; caring; thoughtful; consistent.   No excuses, no slack.  I realise this is tough and so much to ask for, but when you grow up in a house where your Dad’s credo was “leave the bullshit on the side”, you understand where I’m coming from – give it to me straight and get on with it - everyone’s got a problem, but don’t use it as an excuse for your behaviour.

So, that’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to give it to you straight and get on with it:

I’m not managing my expectations anymore, nor am I making “that’s the way they are” excuses for anyone.  I’m getting on with it – if you want to come along, the more the merrier but, please, leave the bullshit on the side.

Hello, My Name Is ... Repeat.

This happens to you, right?  You’re introduced to someone – who you have been introduced to a million times before – and they see, greet, acknowledge you as if for the first time.

What up, chump?

I’m not saying I’m the most interesting person in world and how dare you forget me, but seriously? Are memories the world over really that bad? 

I really enjoy calling people out on this.  I know it’s mean and probably not the socially acceptable thing to do, but I simply can’t help myself.

“Carmen, you remember my friend Olga.”

“Uh, no, it's nice to meet you, Olga.”

“Hi Carmen, we’ve actually met a number of times before – terrific to see you again.”

I have had this particular exchange with this particular Carmen at least 4 times.  I’ve told our mutual friend to simply stop re-introducing us but he refuses as he thinks it’s rude in case either one of us has forgotten our names.

What up, chump? 

We can all deal with forgetting a name, but completely forgetting a person? I don’t think the Carmens of the world really care but I do.  I’d like to think that I remember people I meet, even in passing, and even if I don’t I can find a polite way to wiggle out of the embarrassment of not remembering.  A kind and deferential apology, laced with a bit of humour usually does the trick. “Wow, please forgive me, my memory is really not what it used to be!”  How hard is that? I don’t have a problem laying responsibility where it should lie – in this case - at the foot of the forgetful because it is I, the forgetful, that is on the other side of right.  Complete oblivion leading to newfound re-introductions bewilder me – especially with a soft lead in, I mean, come on.  Obviously people generally don’t pay enough attention.  Obviously people generally forget things.  All cool, of course, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to call you on it.   I know I should probably let it lie, I get that I'm likely being petty, I realize that two social wrongs don't make a right, but you know what - I don't care.  We're not apparitions, we're people.  Remember that.

The Power of The Book. The Facebook.

Hi.  My name is Olga and I'm a Facebook Addict.  It's been 40 minutes since I last 'liked' something.

Sounds rather weird, but it's so totally true.  I spent a few days  tracking how much time I spend on FB and the like and I was shocked.  Actually mortified.  For people like me - the easily distracted types with short attention spans and the propensity to bore easily, FB is God.  Or, The Devil.  Hours of tangential surfing and clicking and commenting and looking.  The Devil.  It's The Devil.

I get that it's all fun and perfect brain relief on stressful days, but for me it's become a huge time suck that's taking me away from all the things I should be doing (I have been reading the same book for 4 months.  This is insane.  It's a great book, from what I remember!) and also distracting me from what I am doing (when at home I watch TV and most movies with my laptop on my lap, half paying attention.  I'm not sure if this is a laptop issue or a social media issue or an ADD issue, but I'm trying to isolate the problem.).

So, let's isolate the problem.  I’m saying goodbye to Facebook for at least 30 days.  Done & Done.  I will miss ye.  I'm already panicked about all the news I'm not getting.  All the witty comments I'm not making.  All the events I've been invited to but don't know about.  All the pictures I can't see.  The running commentaries on television shows - that will be the hardest of all! How will my friends and "friends" survive without my crackerjack status updates?  Hopefully this won't be the start of a downward slide to social retardation.  That would be a shame.  But maybe not if it's also the start of a constantly sparkly clean home, back to normal book reading, doing my real life job and a return to focus.

Who knows, I may find something else to distract me and as long as it’s not needlepoint I’m okay with that – I’ll likely now be writing 10 times a day.  Poor you.  I’m sorry.  But I have to do this for me.

This is a huge challenge.  But I'm likely overstating things.  We can get used to anything.

YES, yes we can.  YES, yes I can.

Assigning A Type

Are you a type?  More specifically, are you a type of friend?

Are you The Sycophant?  The Downer? The Voice of Reason?  The Lazy? The Planner?  The Fair-weather? The Solid?  The Clueless? The Joker? The Cerebral?  The Flake? The Party?

Depending on your mood and what’s needed at any given time, we draw on certain friends to get us through.  Nothing wrong with this, really.  Long hard day at work?  Call The Party!  Need to bounce some life in the balance ideas off someone?  Hello Solid!  If you’re really lucky though, your bestest friends are all of these friends rolled into one, yes, even the not so great parts, and roll with whatever punch you need.  The not so great parts aren’t too bad because it’s the great parts you focus on.  Friends, that’s what they do.

The problem, though, is when you become primarily classed as only one type of friend.  The Joker friend who is really fun but can’t have a serious conversation to save their life.  Or The Downer, who is just so damn glass half empty and negative about everything it’s a wonder they can even celebrate Christmas.  I have issues with The Flakes because your friends shouldn’t need constant reminding that you actually exist.  Either way, from the Joker to the Downer to the Flake, there’s no balance.  I realize my examples are a bit extreme – we all have aspects of our personality that manifest themselves for better or worse at any given time during any given day – but when you’re no longer capable of rolling and casting a wider view, it does become a problem. 

Fixing the problem isn’t all that hard – your bestest friends will always cut you the necessary slack and let you be bummed out (for a time) or ridiculously silly (for a time) or OCD (for a time) or whatever you need (for a time) at any given time – and we have to do this too.  It’s all about listening and being thoughtful and present for those we care about, and those that care about us.  So maybe I’ve talked myself around this completely - it’s not about types at all, but about listening and being there and being thoughtful as a friend for your friends.  Yes, this is better.  We can all be a better type of friend like this.

Quotable - Part Three

"Yeah, I got married at 24 I'm 38 now. Not a good idea. You know, my wife's amazing but so what."

Random knucklehead, working some moves, quite late, Thursday April 21st, 2011.

Yes, the freaks DO come out at night.

Combo Special

I know there are far too many words in the English language already and we really don’t need to be inventing others, but sometimes, sometimes you just have to.  At least I do.  Don’t you ?

My made up words are actually word combos used for full effect when just one word is simply not enough to convey what I’m feeling.  One word simply won’t do.  My favourite word combo illustrates this perfectly:

Shiteous.  Shitty + Hideous = Shiteous.

Saying something is shitty is not only rather crude, but doesn’t truly encapsulate the full on feeling of distaste and nose crinkle you need. Saying it’s hideous really only conveys the appearance of the thing.  Shiteous, though?  It’s brilliant.  A perfect adjective to convey a most inferior, contemptible repulsiveness. 

I obviously needed to counter this with something positive, so here comes …

Hilarical.  Hilarious + Hysterical = Hilarical.

It’s uncontrollable, comedic merriment!  So much better than just “funny” or “uncontrolled”. 

Be careful though.  I had someone say “celebate” to me once and I thought they were combining “celibate” and “celebrate” -  I don’t really feel being celibate is something to celebrate (unless you’re Morrissey and that's just too bad) and perhaps this person didn't either, they had just dropped the ‘r’ from celebrate because I think they were dumb.  You don’t want people thinking you’re dumb when you wordcombo, because it’s not dumb it’s pure genius.  And a little insazy (crazy + insane = insazy). 

I’m telling you, hours of fun.  HOURS.  Try it.

Quotable - Part 2

"Not fair - you know I'm all about animals and teen angst."

                                                M. Brady, Wednesday April 20th 2011, after being called out for being a "hard ass", before admitting to getting a little misty-eyed over Friday Night Lights. Amazing.