The Four Letter Word

I swear.  Not often (although I should probably ask people I talk to how often they think I swear), but I do.  I used to consider it a refuge for poor communicators, but now I have come to appreciate that nothing really accentuates a sentiment like a well placed fuck.

In any event, the four letter word that is most taboo in my vocabulary right now isn’t of the swearing variety, it’s of the mood and feeling variety.

Right now, well for a long right now, my most dangerous 4 letter word is expectation.

On its own, the word is rather amazing: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

Who doesn’t love looking forward to things?  Anticipation?  Oh, la!  I’m all over that.

The issue with expectation though, is when you tack it onto people.  When you expect and anticipate things from people and, well, they fall short.  They fall short of your expectations and you become disappointed.  Disappointed in the person and ultimately disappointed in yourself for having these expectations in the first place.

To avoid disappointment, you ‘manage’ or ‘temper’ expectations by not really expecting much of anyone.  Anything you get, any bone you’re thrown, is a bonus.  Or, you shift your expectations depending on who you’re dealing with; it seems logical to not expect the same things from everyone because not everyone’s the same.  Both these options seem pretty crappy to me.     

Are my expectations too high?  Am I expecting too much?  I’m going to say yes.  But I really think no.

I was brought up by some pretty rock solid role models – there was never any waver, never any doubt, about anything.  They were there.  All. The. Time.  The word anchor seems light in relation.  When you grow up like this, this is what you come to, well, expect - that people, the people you chose to have in your life, will be there.  They will be to you what you are to them:  present; engaged; interested; caring; thoughtful; consistent.   No excuses, no slack.  I realise this is tough and so much to ask for, but when you grow up in a house where your Dad’s credo was “leave the bullshit on the side”, you understand where I’m coming from – give it to me straight and get on with it - everyone’s got a problem, but don’t use it as an excuse for your behaviour.

So, that’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to give it to you straight and get on with it:

I’m not managing my expectations anymore, nor am I making “that’s the way they are” excuses for anyone.  I’m getting on with it – if you want to come along, the more the merrier but, please, leave the bullshit on the side.