Day 4

Man, oh, man am I weak.

I thank the good Lord above – and my parents who instilled great feelings of guilt and fear in me – for not allowing me to become addicted to meth (or similar) because if my getting off Facebook is any indication of how I’d be getting off meth (or similar)I’d be in big-ass trouble.

I really feel I’m missing out on everything.  What is going on?  No, seriously, what is going on?  What is everyone up to?  What is everyone doing?  I want to know. I need to know.  Is there anyone out there because it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.  (Hit new low:  quoting Maroon 5).

I mildy resorted (aka demanded) some newsfeed news from a friend of mine and, as all friend must do in these situations, she said no.  She wasn’t going to enable me.  That’s some tough love and, yes, SF, I thank you.  You did the right thing but right now I really hate you. 

WWWAAAA. 

Yup.  That’s me whiny crying.  Attractive, huh?  I think this is what they call the “withdrawal” stage.  I am channelling Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting.  Ah, Ewan.

Don’t you worry.  I’m sticking with this, and valiantly braved my first real test this morning: the Royal Wedding without FB wall posts & updates.  Very, Very Hard.  It felt like I was living in a remote village in Laos and listening to broken satellite radio.  Very, Very Isolating.  But, I survived! And, as I am more stubborn than weak – if that makes sense - I will persevere.  But what I really want to know is, when I quit going to the gym (which is, like, very often) why don’t I have the sudden urge to do a push up?  Why can’t I miss that?

Obviously I need a new addiction.  This is apparently very common, at least Dr Drew from Celebrity Addiction says so.  Thankfully, spring is the perfect time to get one – no, not gardening - I’d rather take up meth (or similar).  I’m going back to some very serious roots and gearing up for the most wonderful time of year: NHL Playoffs.  Now that the most insufferable team in professional sports is out (Oui, Les Habitants, c’est vous!) and my adopted hometown of Vancouver is making their huge play, I am focused.   

NHL Playoffs are a tough time in Toronto.  It’s been 6 years since the Buds have been in the playoffs and a whole lot longer since they made a difference in the playoffs.  I wasn’t born in the Leafs glory days and if they keep things up like they have been no one will have been, but I was certainly alive, kicking and hollering in 1993 when the Leafs went all the way to the Conference Finals.  Tell me you remember this!  They shockingly eliminated Detroit (I’m still fake-apologizing to Stevie Y); served it up to Cujo and The Blues (I love sports – Cujo ‘sucked’ when he was with The Blues but was the best.goalie.ever. when he was traded to Toronto) and, of course, courtesy of #1 (but not in my books) Canadian Gretzky and helmet-coiffed Kerry Fraser’s missed call, lost to The Kings and missed out – no we all missed out – on what would have been the best NHL Final Ever – Leafs & Habs, straight up, no fooling.  This 1993 team was something else – not full of talent, per se, but full of heart (yes, that’s you Dougie Gilmour), with a hot goalie (yes, that’s you Felix Potvin) and led by the original fiery Irishman (yes, that’s you, RIP, Pat Burns). Where is even a reasonable facsimile of this team now? Do they make teams like this anymore?  I firmly believe – as all Leaf fans do, and no it’s not delusional – that if it wasn’t for that missed call the Leafs would have been Stanley Cup Champions that year (Vous le savez, Habitants!).  What a gloriously nostalgic trip down memory lane.  Okay – I’m on it: Playoffs 2011.  With Wayne & Kerry retired I think my new team has a real chance.  And listen, as a girl who has taken a drink from the Stanley Cup - straight up, no fooling - I know what I’m talking about.

I’m really counting on you, Vancouver.  You can help me stem this tide of FB Withdrawal as we walk the path to the Cup together. Don’t let me down.

GO CANUCKS!*

*(I’m really sorry, but that still doesn’t sound as good as GO LEAFS! Sigh.)