Stttrreeech

A few moons ago a pal of mine was mildly complaining about her boyfriend.  She had issues with his perceived irresponsibility - he liked to take off with a moment's notice to places like Iraq and Pakistan to see what was going on.  He'd be incommunicado and she'd worry and she wondered how inconsiderate he could be to continually do this without acknowledging all her worry and annoyance.  All this really bugged her, and, as girls are wont to do we discuss and vent.

I could totally see why my friend was annoyed, but she really didn't have a right to be.  You see, what attracted her to him in the first place - what totally knocked her socks off - was his spontaneity.  It was the first thing she'd say when you asked her what she liked about him - granted, not necessarily #1 on everyone's list but hey, birds and feathers find each other, right?  So, here she is, falling for a guy because he's spontaneous and now she's annoyed at him because he's taken his spontaneity to a point where, to her, it became irresponsible.  Not fair.

We all have this in us.  I have a guy at work who gets so incredibly caught up in "the man is out to get us" scenarios he loses focus on the big picture of everything.  This is the same guy who delves into stock analysis research and solves all sorts of problems with such tenacity clients are awed.  I’m awed.  Sure, his doomsday prophecies and constant ranting are incredibly aggravating, but he can’t be determined and focused and tenacious only when it serves the powers of good.  We have to take his personality traits – and how he expands them – all together as one.

Personality expansion is part of who we are, what makes us us.  We all stretch the positive out to something not so positive and, yes, this is the “work” part of human interaction - because we have to work and think about the seed of the thing.  Is there a flip side, a mirror, a stretch that you may not be considering when you dismiss someone or become annoyed at them ?  Usually, yes, sometimes, no - there are absolutely personality traits that are just wrong:  I can’t ever find a positive base for being perpetually mean, bitchy, angry or inconsiderate, sorry, but these people aren’t worth your time anyway, so there’s no need for investigation. 

So next time you think you’ve got someone all figured out on the negative, give a little think to the potential positive – your flighty receptionist is likely super chipper all the time; your worry-wart Mom is for sure super caring and thoughtful; your overbearing boss is probably incredibly diligent and organized.   Doesn’t this seem like a more well rounded approach to life ? 

I think so too.

(Yes, sometimes my optimism can be mistaken for delusional, but hopefully now you’re personality expansion-ing me too. And my friends ?  Engaged – he’s slightly reigned in his “Tours of Terrorism” and she’s still loving his spontaneity.)