I’m not really sure when or how this happened, but I’m so done with my hair.
It’s naturally unruly (that’s just a nice way of saying frizz curly with magical expansion properties, usually brought on by any type of non-perfect weather), so I unnaturally straighten it all the time. There are a good many people in my life who have never, ever seen my naturally unruly hair. This isn’t really a sham – I read somewhere that Jules Asner has never let Steven Soderberg see her naturally curly hair. They’re married. Imagine what type of prep and commitment is required to pull that off. Totally hardcore.
I doubt Jules’ hair is as bad as mine – not quite curly, not quite wavy, unbearably thick and so much of it – but she obviously thinks it’s pretty bad. I’m totally down with, you, Jules. Naturally unruly hair is so incredibly unpredictable - you wake up in the morning looking as good as you can, and within a few hours all hell could break lose. Your head is attached to some makeshift hair type substance that looks at once windblown, matted, pouffy (beyond pouffy) and, well, not good. My unnaturally straight hair, though, is truly the hallmark of consistency I long for in all aspects of my life. Seriously, come rain, shine, hail or thunder my hair listens and stays straight. I feel that I need to reward this obedience by straightening it all the time. So I do.
Big hair like mine is length tricky. Too short and it can’t be straightened, so that’s not going to happen. Too long and it takes forever to straighten, so that’s no fun. I undertook a major chop about a month ago and now it’s just blah. It’s a medium length and it’s straight and, well, it just kind of hangs there. It’s not long, it’s not short it’s just rather boring.
So what do girls do with blah naturally unruly hair that they unnaturally straighten? Why, they buy hot rollers of course! Because what makes more sense than straightening your hair to curl it again. Really, in the world of vanity nothing. Nothing makes more sense than this.
This hot roller experiment thus far has been average at best. My hair, in my opinion, looks like a big mess. Like I simply woke up and shook it out. This is actually pretty good as we all know the goal of any look is to make it appear as though it was effortless to achieve regardless of how long it actually took to achieve it. On the bad side of the experiment is that I really don’t look like me. I mean, yes, my hair is messy, which isn’t me but it’s also curly which really isn’t me anymore either. I’m telling you – it’s been years. Years since I exposed my curly head ! Next on the bad side is whatever my big mess hair looked like when I left the house, it sure as hell doesn’t look like that now.
So what does this all mean? Hell, I don’t know. I’m bored and I bought hot rollers and I burned my fingertips on them (which means I can now commit the perfect crime!) because I’m a spazz and I like my straight hair and I’m okay with my curly hair but I’m really not because it’s really a big mess. I’m now impatiently waiting for my hair to grow back to its rightful length. Hurry Up Hair! Until then, I will resort to another look from my (extremely limited) bag of charlatan tricks: The Ponytail.
Jules would be proud.
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