Gotta Be

Do you read your horoscope?  I do.  Religiously. I know, seems kind of dumb for a ‘prove it to me’ person like me, but whatever it's usually pretty fun. 

Over the last little while though my horoscope has been major doomsday.  Apparently, my life is in major turmoil.  I have no direction.  I am searching for something that I cannot find.  I need help and focus.  I am lost on life’s great highway. 

Well, doesn’t that just suck?  Do these people know I am to be the hip hip hooray of the horoscope world?!  I can’t have this!  I’m better than that!  But am I?  It IS true that  lately I have been feeling out of sorts – not majorily, but somewhat.  I’m mopey.  Oversensitive.  I’m not really in the mood for anything.  It takes some effort to get me going.  I have tendencies of all these things, sure, but they just seem to be manifesting at the same time right now and it’s lasting way too long and I don’t like it.  I thought I was just tired, so I bow out of plans and then sit at home sulking, wondering what kind of fun all my friends are having without me.  I thought I needed a project to work on so I think I should move but then wonder where will I go.  I’ve been feeling annoyed at work so I figure I should look for another job but then realize I don’t want to do anything else.  I’m feeling beat up.  And restless.  What is going on?     

And amidst all this, when I’m really wondering what happened to happy-go-lucky-me and when she’ll come back, I read this:

“You may be lacking motivation right now, Sagittarius. That's because you haven't formed a formal definition of where you want to go from here, and who you want to be when you get there. That's why you need a personal motto that will capture your plans for your future self - something very positive and dynamic. Your new motto, which should announce your intentions for the kind of success you seek, will become your mantra. Once you've identified that, your path forward will be very easy to find and follow.”

What the hell is this supposed to mean?!  I know, I know.  It’s a horoscope.  Big deal. But seriously, this encapsulates so much of what’s wrong right now it could maybe turn things into something right.  A little focus, a little look forward.  It could help, at least a little.  Of course I’m now thinking about this all the time but nothing seems to jive. I don’t know what my intentions are.  I don’t know what I’m seeking.  Finding a mantra sure is tons of pressure. 

And amidst all this, when I’m really wondering what will ever happen to happy-go-lucky me and what if she never comes back, I hear this:

Yeah, I know.  It’s just a song.  I still have no idea where I’m going or what I want or why I’m feeling this way, but I know (I know!) that I can be all these things.  I can be bad and bold and wise and hard and strong and cool and calm.  Will love save the day?  Doubtful, but you know what, who the hell knows.  And if I am these things maybe it will.  Maybe I'll just figure it all out in my own sweet time. 

Right?