Where's The Guidebook?

When confusion reigns supreme and the only action or response I can conjure up is a perplexed eye squint, complete with side head nod, I wish there was a Real Life Guidebook lying around that I could reference like my car manual (saved my butt on a recent trip up North, thanks VW & Zhuzana!) to point me in the right direction.  It would just make things so much easier.

The black or brown boots? PAGE 2 (answer: Both)!
The smart sensitive one or the cool aloof one?  CHAPTERS 7-10!
Is buying organic worth it? PAGE 54!
What’s a gigabyte? (Intro)
What to say to the dude who, on date #2, asked how I’d feel about a 3-way? (True! Story!)? PAGES 77 / 128 / 329!

With respect to Emily Post, we live in complicated times and that Etiquette Guide, well, it just doesn’t cut it anymore.  It’s just not enough.  I need to know what to DO!  Someone – Obi Wan – tell me what to do!  Steer me proper! I don’t want to think about the pros & cons, whys & wherefores, what if’s & never will be’s, I’d like someone else (ideally, someone very smart and logical and objective who has my best interests at heart) to take care of this mind crushing work for me.  Because then, I also don’t have to live with the ramifications of any decision I have to make.  Absolution!

Now thinking guidebook's not enough for this all encompassing help I need. I need a massive “Play the Computer / Best Choice in Life Game”.  It would have bells, whistles and all the answers.  Yes, ALL the answers.  I’d enter my conundrum and out would come my logically assessed and strategized action.  I wouldn’t waver, I’d just do it and be content.  Like a non-evil Fembot.  What a fun game.  I really want this game.  My life as a super fun game.

But wait.  

It’s not a game, is it?  It’s my life. It’s pretty fun, mostly all the time, but it’s definitely not a game.  And there will always be ramifications, from the miniscule lunch decision to the monumental career change decision.  And because I’ll be the one living and doing this decision it’s obviously me that needs to make all the decisions.  Okay, fine.  This life game is a really a dumb idea.  But listen, that guidebook?  Pure genius.