Friday, I'm In Love ! Volume One - Mr Radio

Welcome to Friday, I’m in Love!  This Friday series will share my tales, both funny and absurd, but mostly funny, from my real life as a crummy dater.  Or, maybe just my crummy dates.  Either way, these cautionary tales are public service announcements for the heart weary and hopeful – read wisely, carefully.  These “types of dates” are rare breeds indeed, so, please, fellas, don’t be insulted – and also don’t be one of these guys.   Ladies:  interesting times, yes.  On the bright side, I've already spent time with these quirky cats so you don’t have to and you’re welcome.   

Volume One: Mr Radio

I really liked Mr Radio.  Mr Radio really liked me. 

He’s Mr Radio because he is actually on the radio and I gotta tell ya, waking up to the sound of his professional voice in the morning was pretty awesome.  Like he was just talking to me, but I knew he wasn’t but he sort of was.  Anyway, his voice - what a voice!  On air, in person, on the phone, it was beyond the best.  Quite soothing, with a bit of an authoritarian vibe – quite simply amazing.  We hit it off immediately, and quite honestly there is no better feeling in the dating world than this - nothing was ever awkward or questionable it was all just so easy, comfortable and quite, well, kinda hot.  Our dates were some of the best ever - insanely spontaneous, fun and exhilarating.  

I was soon high on Mr Radio and, it turns out, Mr Radio was simply high.

You see, along with all the great stuff Mr Radio had going for him and all our shared interests, Mr Radio really really liked pot. 

He talked about it quite frequently, right from the get go, actually.  And he is from out West, which I hear is a hotbed of pothead activity but I didn’t really put it all together because it really didn’t bother me. I take no moral stand on this at all.  Live and let live, I say!  It’s not for me (okay, yes, it’s true: Never done it.  Okay.  Judge That.) but why shouldn’t it be for you? 

Over time, though?    Over time it all became a bit much.  The layers of flakey-ness peeled themselves off his very attractive frame and it all became a bit, well, tiresome. 

He’d call me at 8 and think it was 4, when he called back at all. I had to stop leaving “hey it’s me” messages because he could never really put it together that me was ME.  I could have found this curious, but I mostly found it annoying.  He was obviously ultra lax on the parameters of time, punctuality and making any sort of plan.  He slept all day most days in his apartment that was one empty case of beer, a milk crate shelf and dirty sock away from a frat house.  I could have gone on with this for a long time, but when he breezily told me he had sired a child with a gal he saw “once or twice a couple months before we met” and “it was all cool, it’s all gonna be real cool”, I guess I kind of figured his life had actually taken a clear Spicoli minus surfboard path and all I could do was laugh.  I’m really trying not to be judge-y and independently maybe these things would have been somewhat okay and kind of quirky, but I don’t know – all together? Aren’t we done that now?  When you’re a grown up and you have a responsible sort of life should you really be smoking pot all the time and being completely flakey and impregnating random girls and being irresponsible all of time? 

It’s too bad, really.  Mr Radio’s potless persona was pretty amazing and I suppose his potfull  persona had it’s charm too.  I mean, there’s nothing really wrong with a guy like this – hell, I have a friend who married a guy like this – but I didn’t want to be Mr Radio’s momgirlfriend,  as I awaited things from his scary closet to pop into random conversations.  Talk about a buzzkill.  Who even knows if Mr Radio was as into me as I thought – I’ve come to think he liked my clean place, well stocked fridge and proximity to the bong shop down the street. I’m sure solid relationships are built on less, so, yeah, maybe I am searching too hard for something that’s right in front of me.  I’d like to think not. 

I do miss Mr Radio’s voice every now and again so it’s mildly reassuring to know I can just turn on my morning radio and get a little hit of him.  Pretty sure he’s getting his hits too.